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Get the Life You Want: The Secrets to Quick and Lasting Life Change with Neuro-Linguistic Programming Hardcover – August 21, 2008
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When conventional therapy and drugs fail, Richard Bandler delivers, often with miraculous results. Richard Bandler cocreated the field of NLP with John Grinder in the early 1970s. Since then, Bandler's work revolutionized the field of personal change; his models and methods have been widely adopted and used successfully in colleges and universities, therapists'offices, professional sports teams, and businesses across the globe.
While many people have written books on NLP, much of what has been written is based on Bandler's ideas. Get The Life You Want shares 'the how' from Bandler himself, with remarkable insights into some of his greatest and most advanced work to date, including compelling true examples from client sessions. With more than thirty exercises that promise rapid relief from any problem or habit, plus a glossary of terms and a detailed index, this is a culmination of a lifetime of work written in a simple, engaging style that both clinicians and laypeople will find effective.
Richard Bandler's books have sold more than half a million copies worldwide. Tens of thousands of people, many of them therapists, have studied Bandler's blend of hypnosis, linguistics, and positive thinking at colleges and NLP training centers in the United States, Europe, and Australia. He is the author of Using Your Brain—for a Change, Time for Change, Magic in Action, and The Structure of Magic. He coauthored Frogs into Princes, Persuasion Engineering, The Structure of Magic Volume II, and Patterns of the Hypnotic Techniques of Milton H. Erickson Volume I.
- Print length264 pages
- LanguageEnglish
- PublisherHealth Communications Inc
- Publication dateAugust 21, 2008
- Dimensions5.5 x 0.8 x 8.5 inches
- ISBN-100757307760
- ISBN-13978-0757307768
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Editorial Reviews
Review
-- Paul McKenna, Ph.D., coauthor of I Can Make You Thin and host of TLC's I Can Make You Thin
'I know your life is about to change for the better. Why? Because you want it to, and because you have this book in your hands. With Richard Bandler's Guide to Personal Change and your willingness, you really can shift your life―starting from now."
-- Robert Holden, Ph.D., author of Shift Happens! and Happiness NOW
'For years, anyone wanting to learn directly from Richard Bandler had two choices: pay hundreds or even thousands of dollars to attend a live training or settle for material in books that, while excellent, were ten to thirty years behind the cutting edge. With this new book, Richard Bandler's Guide to Personal Change, the cutting edge has finally arrived―and it's sharper than ever!'
-- Michael Neill, author, You Can Have What You Want
About the Author
Excerpt. © Reprinted by permission. All rights reserved.
RUNNING YOUR OWN BRAIN: Changing Your
NeuroChemistry
One of the main focuses in my work has been discovering ways to help people achieve what I call 'personal freedom'. Personal freedom means having the freedom to be able to control your thoughts and to manifest the kinds of feelings you want in your life.
We are often imprisoned by the chains of our thoughts and we allow ourselves to think ourselves into problems. However, since most problems are created by our imagination and are thus imaginary, all we need are imaginary solutions. So, here are some effective ways of controlling your thinking for a change.
Think of a time when you felt really good. Now, step inside that time and see through your eyes, hear through your ears, and feel the really good feeling all the way through your body. Make the images bigger, brighter, more colorful, and you'll probably find yourself feeling even better. Make the sounds louder and crisper, and if there are no sounds, add sounds. Start to intensify the good feeling.
Next, find out where in your body the feeling starts and where it goes. Discover the direction it spins inside your body, and spin it faster and faster and, again, notice your feelings intensify. There lies the control you have over your brain to create powerful feelings inside of you.
You can then attach these feelings to other thoughts. If you keep spinning this feeling inside your body and you think about your future while it's spinning, you will start to associate the feeling with your future. By doing this, you will start to feel better about your future.
How to Feel Wonderful Exercise
1 - Think of a time you felt wonderful.
2 - Close your eyes and imagine that time in vivid detail. See the image clearly, hear the sounds loudly, remember the feelings as they were then.
3 - Imagine yourself stepping into that experience and imagine being in that memory as if it's happening now. See what you'd see, hear what you'd hear, feel how good you'd feel. Make the colors stronger and brighter if that helps. Notice how you were breathing back then, and breathe that way now.
4 - Pay attention to the wonderful feeling in your body and get a sense of where the feeling starts, where it goes, and the direction it moves in. Imagine taking control over the feeling and spinning it faster and faster and stronger and stronger through your body as the feelings increase.
5 - Think of a time in the future where you could use these good feelings. Spin these feelings throughout your body as you think about the future and the things you are doing over the next few weeks. Don't be too surprised if you find yourself feeling really good for absolutely no reason.
Similarly too, if you find yourself in a negative or unresourceful state, you can change your mood by changing the qualities of the feeling.
For example, think about somebody who annoys you, intimidates you, or irritates you. Make an image of him and see him look at you in whatever way he looks at you when he is annoying you. Hear him say whatever it is he says and notice the bad feeling that happens in your body.
Next, take this image and make it black and white. Move it far off into the distance. Make it much smaller, one-eighth its size. Place a clown's nose on his face. Hear him say whatever it is he says, but hear him say it in Mickey Mouse's, Donald Duck's, or Sylvester the Cat's voice. This changes the feeling you have toward him and allows you to deal with him with more confidence and effectiveness.
Changing Bad Feelings Exercise
1 - Think about somebody who annoys you, intimidates you, or irritates you. Make an image of him and see him look at you in whatever way he looks at you when he is annoying you. Hear him say whatever it is he says and notice the bad feeling that happens in your body.
2 - Take this image and make it black and white. Move it far off into the distance. Make it much smaller, one-eighth its size. Place a clown's nose on his face.
3 - Hear him say whatever it is he says, but hear him say it in Mickey Mouse's, Donald Duck's, or Sylvester the Cat's voice.
4 - Notice how you feel differently. Then distract yourelf for a few moments and think of him again. You will still be feeling differently about him.
When you practice using your brain in this way, you will find yourself feeling really good a lot more often. Achieving personal freedom is all about developing new mental habits and skills and getting used to mentally running your brain the way you choose to run it.
©2008. Richard Bandler. All rights reserved. Reprinted from Get the Life You Want. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system or transmitted in any form or by any means, without the written permission of the publisher. Publisher: Health Communications, Inc., 3201 SW 15th Street, Deerfield Beach, FL 33442
Product details
- Publisher : Health Communications Inc; 1st edition (August 21, 2008)
- Language : English
- Hardcover : 264 pages
- ISBN-10 : 0757307760
- ISBN-13 : 978-0757307768
- Item Weight : 14.1 ounces
- Dimensions : 5.5 x 0.8 x 8.5 inches
- Best Sellers Rank: #1,001,239 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)
- #303 in Popular Psychology Psychotherapy
- #2,961 in Motivational Self-Help (Books)
- #8,712 in Personal Transformation Self-Help
- Customer Reviews:
About the author

Richard Bandler’s seminars & workshops include Neuro-Hypnotic Repatterning®, Design Human Engineering®, Persuasion Engineering®, Personal Enhancement™, Charisma Enhancement®, Hypnosis, and others!
Dr. Bandler has continued to improve and evolve the field of NLP and gone on to develop other seminars as well, Design Human Engineering®, Persuasion Engineering®, Neuro-Hypnotic Repatterning® to name a few.
He has been interviewed by a variety of magazines from Psychology Today to Newsweek. Most major newspapers, TV Networks and Radio Stations around the world have interviewed him over the past 30+ years.
Dr. Bandler, a mathematician, philosopher, modeler, teacher, artist and composer for four decades has left a legacy of books, videos, audios, art, students and a body of knowledge that will change therapy, education and medicine forever. He has hundreds of thousands of students and hundreds of licensed institutes all over the world.
Dr. Bandler has made his mark and says he is just getting warmed up.
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Learn more how customers reviews work on AmazonCustomers say
Customers find this NLP book practical and full of specific techniques that can change their lives, making it one of the best books for beginners in the field. They appreciate its humor and effective approach, with one customer noting how the spinning technique works remarkably well. The book receives positive feedback for its readability, pacing, and layout, with one customer describing it as a "massive brain massage." The clarity aspect receives mixed reviews.
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Customers find the book practical and easy to use, providing specific techniques that can change their lives.
"...Very practical. Another thing that I want to point out is that various personal growth gurus all have their own voice, so does Richard...." Read more
"...in your life where you would like more freedom, power, joy and full self expression. Then take it on. Follow the directions and go for it...." Read more
"Richard Bandler has developed a useful manual of exercises to help the reader overcome negative attitudes and behaviours...." Read more
"Excellent Book. Very informative and helpful. This was an easy read with a lot of good information and helpful to me and others in my practice...." Read more
Customers find the book readable and appreciate it as a good introduction to NLP, particularly for beginners.
"...way, the right way, his way - he is ALL ABOUT doing what works, doing it fast, and creating shifts in your life that impact you immediately and..." Read more
"...The book has three major themes (getting over it, getting through it, getting to it) which are in turn divided into the important challenges of life..." Read more
"...This book is a lot of work. You can read through the book quickly, but must go back and do the exercises that apply to your life...." Read more
"...There is probably some good content but only about two of the chapters felt present-day relevant, and he didn't go into the depth I had hoped around..." Read more
Customers find the book very effective, with several describing it as one of the best books they've ever read, and one mentioning that the spinning technique works remarkably well.
"...But lo and behold, it works like a charm! I was blown away. Specifically, I had some recurring negative memories...." Read more
"...of them are: letting go of the past, no future anxiety/worry, making good movies instead of always thinking of the bad that will go wrong. LAUGHING!..." Read more
"...I found his spinning technique working remarkably well if you want to amplify the good feeling and change your mood for a better rapidly. All..." Read more
"...easiest path to becoming a master hypnotist, as you gorge on extremely effective and simple methods it contains to optimally change yourself, and..." Read more
Customers appreciate the book's humor, with one mentioning its no-nonsense quotes.
"...I really like and relate to his approach: it is easy going, with humor, lighten up type of approach...." Read more
"...He is, as always, witty, and trance-formative. I think I will always love NLP because I love Bandler's writing style...." Read more
"...Quite a few profound things, no-nonsense quotes.. Recommended highly, just don't expect a 200 page book to replace therapy." Read more
"...Even has his voice and trademark humor. Well worth the money and investment in your time to read." Read more
Customers find the book helps improve their mood, with one mentioning it quickly changes their emotional state, while another describes it as a "massive brain massage."
"...and relate to his approach: it is easy going, with humor, lighten up type of approach...." Read more
"...well if you want to amplify the good feeling and change your mood for a better rapidly. All in all, it is an excellent manual to work on..." Read more
"...contains to optimally change yourself, and others, into your maximized relaxed state!..." Read more
"...I finish this book in 3 days and I can see that I feel myself more happy and more determined" Read more
Customers praise the pacing of the book, with one customer noting it combines Bandler's brilliance.
"One of the best books I've ever read! Bandler is a genius and more people have to know about NLP and how to truly use their mind." Read more
"...Get The Life You Want is fabulous, combining Bandler's brilliance, humor and step-by-step process instructions for making the changes you want...." Read more
"A great book that will help anyone. Richard Bandler is exceptional!!" Read more
"The NLP master at his best." Read more
Customers like the layout of the book, with one mentioning it is well structured.
"...and creating shifts in your life that impact you immediately and generatively...." Read more
"...to the essentials, as I do, this is the book to be read: clear, well structured and without any useless beating around the bush, that many of the..." Read more
"Nothing new if you are familiar with submodalities, well put material, clear patterns and the kind of straight forwardness you'd expect from Mr...." Read more
"I like the layout of this book. I recently watched a few of his videos and decided to buy this book. I would recommend it to anyone." Read more
Customers have mixed opinions about the clarity of the book, with some finding it easy to understand, while others mention it requires patience and discipline to go over everything in detail.
"...I have no trouble at all with visualization or with calling up (or creating) a visual or aural memory or a scent or tactile sensation...." Read more
"...This book requires a lot of patience and belief in the methods presented. I patiently read and tried to use the methods provided...." Read more
"...These pattern busters really do the trick and give you some lead time to start making new habits to replace the old...." Read more
"...new if you are familiar with submodalities, well put material, clear patterns and the kind of straight forwardness you'd expect from Mr. Bandler...." Read more
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NLP MYSTERY SOLVED
Top reviews from the United States
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- Reviewed in the United States on July 28, 2016I first came across NLP through the teachings of Tony Robbins. Tony uses it a lot. I then went through extensive life coaching training and also met lots of life coaches. I quickly realized just how many of them use NLP - all the time and with great success! Although in many cases they don't necessarily say explicitly that they use NLP, but it is NLP.
When I first tried NLP, specifically the Swish technique, I didn't expect much. But lo and behold, it works like a charm! I was blown away. Specifically, I had some recurring negative memories. With the Swish technique, these negative memories vanished literally within 2-3 days. That's all it took. I do still sometimes think of those things - but when I do, they seem so far away, all blurred, "small" in size, "black and white," and without any emotional charge.
So then I decided to look more into NLP.
I LOVED this book! I got so much value out of it!
The way the book is structured:
1) First, Richard details the various NLP techniques.
2) Then, he goes on to show how to tackle various common challenges and desires, using these techniques. He groups these into three groups:
a) Getting over things (e.g., getting over fear and anxiety, getting over bad memories);
b) Getting through things (e.g., through habits and compulsions);
c) Getting to things (e.g., getting to make more money, meet people, etc).
As a side note, I'd like to comment on the "spinning" technique. Richard uses this pretty much in every section of the book. I see in the comments that some folks struggle with this idea and don't feel any "spinning." I was in the same boat. At first I did not feel any "spinning" at all and just couldn't get it. But then I got it! Richard explains (in the section about fear) that sometimes the tension gets so tight that it is not "spinning" - it's like if you screw something in very tightly. It just feels tight and stuck. In that case, he recommends trying to imagine "spinning" it one direction, e.g., clockwise, and then the other direction, - and see how it feels. Once I did that, I totally got it! Basically, if I try "spinning" the tightness of, say, where I feel the stress in one direction, it makes it feel worse, to the point of almost physical pain. But if I imagine "spinning" it in the opposite direction, then it feels so much lighter, freer, etc.
Very practical. Another thing that I want to point out is that various personal growth gurus all have their own voice, so does Richard. I really like and relate to his approach: it is easy going, with humor, lighten up type of approach. He also emphasizes that it should not take long to tackle problems, he believes in quick and efficient solutions. In other words, don't get married to your problems! Move on! :)
P.S.: In the recommended further reading list, Richard recommends books by Paul McKenna, another personal growth guru. I decided to check those out and was blown away. Paul McKenna's books are awesome, he is now one of my favorite authors! E.g., Change Your Life in 7 Days (I Can Make You) and his other books.
- Reviewed in the United States on September 24, 2008I was on a conference call with Richard about a week or so ago and we talked about this book and the upcoming release of his hypnotic language patterns book (coming out November).
Here is what I can say from my heart about the man and about this book: Richard loves life, he loves people, and you get that in this book. He doesn't see any need for suffering over time. Whatever is not working for you in your life, Richard knows that you can get through it, over it or to it without suffering over time. He is not about doing it one way, the right way, his way - he is ALL ABOUT doing what works, doing it fast, and creating shifts in your life that impact you immediately and generatively. A generative shift is one that self adjusts over time, giving you access to more freedom, self expression and power in your life.
During the call, Richard shared that the idea for the book came to him while he was cooking. He thought about all the folks who will never walk into a certified NLP training, who may be intimated to delve into Hypnotic Learning Patterns or The Structure of Magic. All at once he knew that after nearly 40 years of change making with people from all walks of life and all parts of the world, that he was the one, (and I say the ONLY ONE) who could write a workable book where foundational NLP techniques and DHE tools are as easy to follow as a recipe for baking a chocolate cake.
He achieved his goal. As soon as I am out of the swimming pool, I am sending you a postcard, dear friend! (Swimming phobia from age 8, professional lessons, prior hypnosis, even a Tony Robbins phobia session did not work; what it took was this book!)
Buy the book. Put your skepticism in your closet long enough to read it. Choose one place in your life where you would like more freedom, power, joy and full self expression. Then take it on. Follow the directions and go for it. There's more than one technique to choose from, so no worry if the first one doesn't get it, go for the next one. My personal favorite, spinning the feelings in opposite directions. This is a big part of what smashed to pieces the real physical phobic responses my body experienced whenever I tried to swim.
If you want to have a life that works in a world that works, this is the book to buy now. No NLP experience required.
Top reviews from other countries
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Antonio PicazoReviewed in Mexico on June 21, 2017
5.0 out of 5 stars Excelente
Un libro de gran contenido que es de gran utilidad y por supuesto escrito por el padre de la PNL
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Cliente AmazonReviewed in Spain on February 21, 2016
5.0 out of 5 stars Excelente Libro.
Incluye excelentes técnicas de PNL. Contiene aplicaciones sencillas pero potentes a la vida cotidiana.
Fácil lectura. Lo recomiendo altamente. Una de mis mejores compras que he realizado.
- FelipeReviewed in Brazil on July 12, 2015
4.0 out of 5 stars Submodalities
"Fears always have to be replaced with sensory acuity. They also can be tackled by taking control of the feeling itself."
"It's a mechanical function because you need to talk to your neurology. You need to tell it what you want it to see, what you want it to feel and whenever it shows you a picture from the past that you don't like, you need to make it an instinct to white it out and to put up a picture from your future of how you want to be."
"This is because the way in which people stay in love is much like grief in the sense that what you associate with and what you disassociate from determines how you'll move in the future."
"Our ability to associate good feelings with things or bad feelings with things should be a conscious choice. When you redirect your own thoughts, when you decide what memories to associate with and what memories to disassociate with, when you manipulate your thoughts deliberately, it is called thinking. We are thinking beings when we think deliberately. When we let our thoughts just happen to us, we lose our personal freedom."
"Taking control of what feels good is an important part of serious determination. It's what gets you through things and getting through things will make life loads better."
"It is true for every big event that we organize in life. If you plan cleverly, and you plan on feeling good during the process, that will allow you to get through the challenges much more effectively."
"Mental management is what produces productive human beings. Productive people decide, I'm going to spend this time doing this and I'm going to putt my full attention to it. When I come home from work, I'm going to give my full attention to my wife, and then I'm going to give my full attention to my kids, and then to my dog. Then I'm going to devote an hour to spending my full attention on something else. This is for everything from watching TV to pondering on some work issues. Then, you attend fully to talking to your wife, or sleeping, or whatever the task is."
"Whenever people are so worried about themselves rather than the feelings of other people, it's easy to get nervous. I told her instead to imagine being at that party and realising that there were people all over that room that were more nervous than she was. I explained that her job was to find them and help them to feel comfortable because if she could make three other people feel comfortable and happy, her fears would disappear forever."
"So that not only did he have motivation, he had a plan. The difficulty most people have getting to things is that they have no plan."
"Yet, if you can take the image of what produces intense desire in you, and you move the image of you doing taxes into that place, then you will start to feel like doing them. It really is that simple. You have an incredible ability inside your head to manifest the kinds of feelings that you need when you need them."
"The difference is, how do you define when to have your stress? If you're going to have it, you might as well do it sooner rather than later. Most people don't plan. Planning is everything. It's about looking into your timeline and deciding when to worry. If you must worry, you might as well do it sooner."
"A propulsion system simply means attaching powerfully positive feelings to doing something and attaching powerfully negative feelings to not doing something."
"For example, as you already know, you don't always do what you should do but you might do what you need to do. These words are very powerful drivers for your behaviour. When you figure out which ones work best for you, you can begin to use those ones deliberately for when you need them. You will also learn to become aware of the tone and rhythm of your inner voice which most inspires and motivates you."
"If you notice the submodalities of something you feel desire for and something you want to feel desire for, move what you want to feel desire for out into the distance and pull it back up in the submodalities of what you do desire. Then you will start to feel desire towards the new activity. This is called a swish pattern."
"So, who's beating you up and stopping you from getting on the machine? It must be you!"
"If you don't mentally plan, then you're not mentally organized. If you're not mentally organized, then it's harder to create organization on the outside."
"They over-plan things. Whenever you over-plan or under-plan you haven't really got a useful plan, so what you need to do is to be able to create a realistic plan. It is a plan that also involves you looking happy and being happy."
"If you plan to have good habits, you will and if you don't, you won't."
"Always ask how you can be more valuable to the world and prepare to work more effectively than ever before."
"You have to decide what it is you enjoy doing. Once you know what you enjoy, you can plan how to get there and do it."
"Looking back on what you've read so far, what I have presented here is a variety of ways of organizing your internal world so that you have more control over what your brain does."
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Amazon CustomerReviewed in France on December 11, 2024
5.0 out of 5 stars Un manuel pour hacker son cerveau (sans le rendre fou)
Richard Bandler, le co-créateur de la PNL, nous livre dans Get the Life You Want un guide pratique pour transformer sa vie. C’est un peu comme si on avait une boîte à outils pour reprogrammer son cerveau, mais sans la notice compliquée. Ici, chaque outil est expliqué avec clarté et simplicité.
Ce que j’ai adoré, c’est le ton direct de Bandler. Pas de blabla inutile, il va droit au but. Besoin de surmonter une phobie ? Hop, une technique. Marre de vos croyances limitantes ? Voilà comment les dégommer. Ce n’est pas un livre qu’on lit comme un roman ; c’est un compagnon de route à utiliser et réutiliser.
Ce qui le rend unique, c’est qu’il s’adresse à tout le monde, que vous soyez déjà familier avec la PNL ou totalement novice. Et bien sûr, il y a l’humour signature de Bandler. Par moments, on a l’impression qu’il est là, assis à côté de vous, en train de balancer une blague ou une anecdote absurde pour vous faire passer un point clé.
Si je devais trouver un défaut, ce serait que certaines techniques demandent un peu de pratique (et de patience) avant de donner des résultats. Mais franchement, on ne devient pas maître de son esprit du jour au lendemain, non ?
En résumé, Get the Life You Want est un livre qui donne envie d’agir. Si vous êtes prêt à expérimenter, vous allez repartir avec des outils puissants pour changer votre vie. Et si ça ne marche pas du premier coup ? Eh bien, comme dirait Bandler : « Faites-le différemment, mais faites-le ! »
- JoannaReviewed in Canada on August 22, 2010
5.0 out of 5 stars Effective!
I should probably say that I'd read/skimmed through NLP books before, so that by the time I came across this book, I've already had some context. Having said that, I was feeling anxious about a particular thing while looking through this book, and came upon the following (effective for me!) strategy to reduce anxiety:
Reversing Anxiety Exercise
(Neuro-Hypnotic Repatterning)
1. Think of something that makes you feel fearful or anxious.
2. Notice which direction the anxiety spins in your body, and visualize it using red arrows that point which way it moves.
3. Imagine taking the feeling outside of your body, turning it around, changing the arrows from red to blue, and pulling it back in so the feeling spins in the opposite direction in your body.
4. Keep spinning the feeling faster and faster in the opposite direction in your body as you notice yourself feeling differently.
5. Think of something that makes you feel really comfortable. Notice which direction this feeling moves in.
6. Spin this comfortable feeling as you imagine the experience going really well and working out perfectly.
7. As you do this, look at what you can see in front of you in the present moment, what you can hear and what are all of the things in the real world that you can pay attention to.
All I had to do were the first three steps, and my anxiety was gone. Guess if the anxiety was performance-related, doing all seven steps would have worked better.
The book is full of hard and fast little exercises, and they really are fabulous in that you don't have to read paragraphs and paragraphs, trying to glean what it is you're supposed to be doing. It's like a little recipe book of mental tricks and mind games presented in a very user-friendly format. Highly recommended!!!