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Cupid's Poisoned Arrow: From Habit to Harmony in Sexual Relationships Paperback – Illustrated, June 23, 2009

4.5 4.5 out of 5 stars 466 ratings

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“If you want to be a better lover and have an amazing relationship (now or in the future), Cupid's Poisoned Arrow is a must-read.” —real reader review

Eyes met, sparks flew—all fireworks and passion. In the beginning, it felt like magic…but somewhere along the way, the flame burnt out. That cute quirk you used to love doesn’t seem so cute anymore. The connection and fire that brought you together are lost—and you may feel hurt, unsure, or disconnected. You might be trying in vain to change your partner. You may even resign yourself to a passionless fate.

Ancient sages recognized the lull in intimacy, passion, and connection that happens in even the most solid relationships—
and hinted at the ways we can overcome it. With an entertaining blend of personal experiences, neuroscientific research, and amorous insights from around the world, Cupid’s Poisoned Arrow shows that we can use lovemaking to balance one another—and let harmony arise naturally.

Here, you’ll discover the twenty-one Exchanges, a series of intimacy-building activities that can help you and your partner connect on a deeper level. These exchanges speak directly to the part of your brain that can fall in love—and
stay in love—and are based on touch, eye contact, and attentiveness.

By focusing on generous pampering rather than self-stimulation, you can create a nourishing cocoon of comfort and safety…and deepen your connection through bonding-based intimacy. Incorporating the principles of yin and yang, the Exchanges offer a balanced approach that emphasizes giving
and receiving to spark a fulfilling sexual connection between you and your partner.

Discover why real readers are saying “It works!” and “I wish I had read this book 10 years ago.” You’ll never look back.
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Editorial Reviews

Review

“[This book] seriously challenges conventional ‘wisdom’ about human sexual interactions. It is as antithetical to modern cultural beliefs about sexual behavior as Galileo’s treatise was to astronomy. In Galileo’s time the earth (like the orgasm) was thought to be the incontestable center of the universe. Marnia Robinson’s hypothesis might result in much needed navigational improvements for modern family relationships.”
—A.J. Reid Finlayson, MD, Division of Addiction Medicine, Department of Psychiatry, Vanderbilt University School of Medicine

“Marnia Robinson brings neuroscience into the bedroom, revealing how biology creates projection and separation. She provides a solution that will not only pleasantly surprise you, but will profoundly change your life. This is a must-read for anyone wanting to know love.”
—Kali Wendorf, founder of Australia’s
Kindred magazine and contributing editor of the anthology Belonging

“I can honestly say that I have never read a more accessible and well laid out description of the brain’s reward circuitry. Combine that with the experiential, practical, and spiritual dimensions of
Cupid’s Poisoned Arrow, and it is virtually impossible to walk away from it without the feeling that Marnia Robinson really is on to something significant in the field of human relationships and sexual behavior.”
—Russell Razzaque, MD, psychiatrist, London, England

Cupid’s Poisoned Arrow is a skillful blend of understandable science, informative personal reports and light-hearted humor, which make for enjoyable, thought-provoking reading. Between its chapters, curious readers will also find intriguing essays about various traditions (Taoism, Christianity, Buddhism, cortezia, karezza, etc.). These reveal little known, and often remarkable, clues about the hidden potential that lies in our sexual relationships.”
HopeDance

“In
Cupid's Poisoned Arrow: From Habit to Harmony in Sexual Relationships, author Marnia Robinson explains how neuroscience can help us understand and change our relationships. Robinson challenges often-held assumptions about the role of sexuality in an accessible way, including personal experiences, science, and insights from around the world.”
MiddlesexMD

“Cupid’s Poisoned Arrow blends personal experiences with the latest neuroscience and various cultural insights to build a survey of popular notions about human sexual interactions and their realities, blending history with cultural and social observation.”
Midwest Book Review

About the Author

Marnia Robinsonis a former corporate lawyer who left her career to investigate how ancient sacred-sex prescriptions can heal widespread disharmony in intimate relationships. She and her husband, Gary Wilson, have given presentations on the subject worldwide and run a Web site called Reuniting: Healing with Sexual Relationships. She lives in Ashland, OR.

Product details

  • Publisher ‏ : ‎ North Atlantic Books; Illustrated edition (June 23, 2009)
  • Language ‏ : ‎ English
  • Paperback ‏ : ‎ 416 pages
  • ISBN-10 ‏ : ‎ 1556438095
  • ISBN-13 ‏ : ‎ 978-1556438097
  • Item Weight ‏ : ‎ 1.46 pounds
  • Dimensions ‏ : ‎ 5.95 x 1.01 x 4.96 inches
  • Customer Reviews:
    4.5 4.5 out of 5 stars 466 ratings

About the author

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Marnia Robinson
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Marnia Robinson is the author of "Cupid's Poisoned Arrow: From Habit to Harmony in Sexual Relationships" (in German "Das Gift an Amors Pfeil"). As a former corporate lawyer (with degrees from Brown and Yale), she never expected to find herself writing books about sex. She delved into the subject in part because she was a bride or bridesmaid in four weddings and just about everyone who reached the altar (including Marnia) has since divorced and remarried. What was going on?

The more she learned about both ancient sacred sex traditions and the science of mating and bonding, the more she recognized the need for a cross-disciplinary perspective that also incorporates the experiences of actual lovers struggling with the tension between fiery biological urges and the desire for long-term harmonious relationships. Psychologists, neuroscientists, evolutionary biologists, anthropologists and ancient sages all have essential clues for coping with this challenge--and yet each profession alone is somewhat hampered by its official constraints. Marnia's goal is to highlight key insights (both recent and long-forgotten) and then weave them together with practical suggestions, in hopes of encouraging a wider dialogue.

Her husband Gary Wilson, a neuroscience enthusiast, generously takes time from his teaching career to help her collect and analyze the material in her posts and books. He also hosts the porn recovery website www.yourbrainonporn.com. Together Gary and Marnia blog on "Psychology Today" (http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/cupids-poisoned-arrow). Their article "The Great Porn Experiment" appeared in "The Evolutionary Review." You can watch Gary's popular TEDxGlasgow talk of the same name here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wSF82AwSDiU&feature=youtu.be. They reside in Ashland, Oregon.

Watch Marnia on San Francisco's "The View from the Bay" show (http://abclocal.go.com/kgo/story?section=view_from_the_bay/sex_relationships&id=6982144). (6 mins.)

Customer reviews

4.5 out of 5 stars
466 global ratings

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Customers say

Customers find the book informative and well-written. It provides context for relationship dynamics and explains brain chemistry, the reward system, and ways that modern relationships work. They describe it as interesting and worth reading. The orgasm content is described as amazing and crazy. The premise is simple and could be explained in a single chapter. Readers have mixed opinions on the pacing and writing style. Some find it funny, soulful, and pragmatic, while others feel it gets repetitive.

AI-generated from the text of customer reviews

49 customers mention "Information quality"43 positive6 negative

Customers find the book provides context for relationship dynamics. It explains brain chemistry, the reward system, and modern ways of procreating. The author synthesizes concepts from various cultures and transforms their perspective on sex and partnership. The book puts an emphasis on neurotransmitters to explain the ups and downs of orgasms.

"...The main topic in this book is about the sexual practice of karezza, and the benefits to a relationship and to oneself of practicing karezza and..." Read more

"...The author has done a wonderful job of synthesizing concepts from various cultures and disciplines such as modern neuroscience and ancient wisdom..." Read more

"...and wisdom from the past to create a book that is intimate and informative with a sense of the bigger picture, all the while being an enjoyable read...." Read more

"...more about the addictive nature of orgasm and the long term benefits of transorgasmic sex." Read more

33 customers mention "Readability"33 positive0 negative

Customers find the book readable and interesting. They say it's a good textbook for anyone who has ever had an orgasm. The topic is fascinating and worth learning about.

"Absolutely brilliant! I love this book. This book is revolutionary; it gave me a paradigm shift...." Read more

"...with a sense of the bigger picture, all the while being an enjoyable read. You can see that the author walks the talk from practical experience...." Read more

"...I read this book with rapturous fascination, though sometimes I was stymied by her writing style (see my last paragraphs for critique) I am eager..." Read more

"...reference guide for the physiology of attraction, desire, bonding and pleasure." Read more

5 customers mention "Orgasm content"5 positive0 negative

Customers find the book's perspective on orgasm and healthy relationships interesting. They say sex is better than masturbation because it produces oxytocin, while masturbation doesn't.

"...Sex without orgasms sounds crazy; that's what I thought when I first heard about it...." Read more

"...of Karezza, and I look forward to learning more about the addictive nature of orgasm and the long term benefits of transorgasmic sex." Read more

"...What are the take aways from this? - Sex is better than masturbation, because sex produces oxytocin but masturbations doesn't. -..." Read more

"...Cupid's poisoned arrow gives us a thorough, comprehensive view of orgasms. There are no moral arguments against them...." Read more

4 customers mention "Simplicity"4 positive0 negative

Customers appreciate the book's simplicity. They find the premise clear and straightforward. The book is described as a do-it-yourself manual.

"...To correctly implement these ideas is very simple, but not easy!..." Read more

"...I think this critique is relevant because this is a do-it-yourself manual and both the author and the community reflect the application of this..." Read more

"...All this from a simple, yet deeply thorough book on orgasm & bonding...." Read more

"...However, I think it's probably more an article than a book. The premise is simple, and could be easily explained in a single chapter...." Read more

12 customers mention "Pacing"7 positive5 negative

Customers have mixed opinions about the pacing of the book. Some find it engaging and well-written, with an interesting new take on old wisdom. Others feel the writing is repetitive and tiresome, with the same concepts being repeated over and over.

"...But the message of the book is so brilliant, important, unique, and life-changing this is a very easy 5/5...." Read more

"This book provides new and valuable information on knowledge that has been around for thousands of years and continues to surface and resurface..." Read more

"Although it can be somewhat repetitive in parts making it longer than it really needs to be, the material in this book is unlike anything I've found..." Read more

"...There was such a resonance of truth in the way she described Karezza. I kept thinking, "YES!!!"..." Read more

7 customers mention "Writing style"3 positive4 negative

Customers have mixed opinions about the writing style. Some find it scientific and soulful, combining personal experience, science-based information, and wisdom. Others say the writing style is atrocious.

"...book with rapturous fascination, though sometimes I was stymied by her writing style (see my last paragraphs for critique) I am eager for more..." Read more

"...I like the way the author combines personal experience, science based information and wisdom from the past to create a book that is intimate and..." Read more

"...Finally her writing style is atrocious. I don't think anyone will enjoy reading this much as she enjoyed writing it...." Read more

"...Also very interesting that the author brought in scinetific as well as spiritual knowledge... as well as her very personal experiences and many feed..." Read more

Top reviews from the United States

  • Reviewed in the United States on August 8, 2017
    Absolutely brilliant! I love this book. This book is revolutionary; it gave me a paradigm shift.

    Cupid's Poisoned Arrow will transform your views regarding sex, relationships, orgasm, masturbation, and how to be the best lover you can be. Then it gives you the practical steps to apply this new information. The main topic in this book is about the sexual practice of karezza, and the benefits to a relationship and to oneself of practicing karezza and cultivating one’s sexual energy.

    If you want to be a better lover and have an amazing relationship (now or in the future), Cupid's Poisoned Arrow is a must-read.

    If you want lasting attraction and affection with a partner after the "honeymoon stage" of a relationship, Cupid's Poisoned Arrow is a must-read. She brilliantly explains why passion falls, and gives the solution.

    In a time where porn addictions, divorces, and unhappy, sexless, or erratic relationships seem to be the norm, and where people feel more disconnected from each other than ever before in our society, I believe Marnia has figured out where we have gone wrong, and has discovered the antidote.

    The message in this book is so unknown to the public... yet so needed. This book is a hidden gem. It’s honestly sad how underground these ideas are because so many people would benefit from learning. I have a feeling the concepts in this book will go viral in society in about 10 years as more people discover this.

    I read this book when single. I highly recommend this book for both people in relationships and single people. Women or men. Young or old. Whoever you are, READ THIS BOOK! :)

    There is a little spirituality in this book, which I really enjoyed. Atheists, don't let that deter you. There is lots of science in Cupid and it's a practical read. I recommend this book to everyone. You may have to read a few parts of this book with an open mind and nonjudgemental attitude as these concepts are currently outside of mainstream consciousness.

    About 2/3 of the way through, the book does start to feel a bit repetitive. I feel the author really wanted to hammer the message in, especially because these ideas are so underground. But the message of the book is so brilliant, important, unique, and life-changing this is a very easy 5/5. The end is great too because it gives a practical guide.

    I thoroughly enjoyed this book and feel it transformed my life forever in a positive, healthy, and more loving way. This book connected so many dots for me about sexuality and relationships. I've actually read it 2.5x now. I believe that if more people read this book the world will become a much better and more harmonious place. I hope you give it a read!
    73 people found this helpful
    Report
  • Reviewed in the United States on October 28, 2013
    Although it can be somewhat repetitive in parts making it longer than it really needs to be, the material in this book is unlike anything I've found anywhere else. The author has done a wonderful job of synthesizing concepts from various cultures and disciplines such as modern neuroscience and ancient wisdom to bring the reader fresh insights into very common problems married couples face.

    What's really fascinating though is what happens when you actually do what the book suggests; i.e. take the recommended actions in your life. My wife and I have been practicing the ideas in this book for a few months now. The changes in us, and in our relationship are nothing short of miraculous. It's funny, but this was here for us the whole time, we just didn't know about it. What we learn about sex from the TV, movies, our friends, and the internet; it's all wrong!

    Don't be put off by negative reviews of people who have just read the book but didn't try it (or maybe didn't even read it). To correctly implement these ideas is very simple, but not easy! The result is a huge paradigm shift, which in itself suggests that the ideas themselves cannot be fully appreciated in a solely cognitive context; they must be acted upon and experienced before passing judgment.

    Sex without orgasms sounds crazy; that's what I thought when I first heard about it. But I can honestly say that my wife and I both enjoy sex with each other 10 times more now, and at the same time, it's much more connected and loving.

    What if even half of what I'm saying is true? Would it be worth it to buy the book, read it and try out the ideas for a few weeks? How about when compared to the cost of infidelity? Divorce? Sexless marriages, Etc...

    UPDATE
    If I could rate this book 10 stars, I would. 8 years later, my wife and I have mastered this technique. It took a while to gain that much control, but at this point, we are addicted to each other, better than when we were first dating. This should be required reading in school. If everyone knew this, divorce would be non-existent and no one would bother making war because they'd be too busy making love...
    40 people found this helpful
    Report
  • Reviewed in the United States on October 18, 2010
    This book provides new and valuable information on knowledge that has been around for thousands of years and continues to surface and resurface over the centuries. Creating and sustaining fulfilling sexual relations with ones partner is probably one of the top concerns of everyone involved in a long term relationship. This book address these concerns, laying out a clear path of why so many of us have mixed results in this area and then describes practical ways to create harmony. What's unique about this book is the science based information as to the bio chemical systems at play when we think about and engage sexually. Armed with this information one can make wiser choices in creating satisfying intimate relationships. I like the way the author combines personal experience, science based information and wisdom from the past to create a book that is intimate and informative with a sense of the bigger picture, all the while being an enjoyable read. You can see that the author walks the talk from practical experience. If you want to reinvent yourself as a sexual being and negotiate the often stormy waters of sexual relationships this book offers deep insight into our human reproductive nature with practical tools on how to sail forward into smoother and infinitely more satisfying waters.
    14 people found this helpful
    Report

Top reviews from other countries

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  • Fausto Paiva
    5.0 out of 5 stars Bom livro
    Reviewed in Brazil on December 2, 2023
    É um livro bom pra entender que você não precisa ser escravo de si mesmo. Entende o que faz o corpo secretar dopamina e como não se tornar dependente disto.
  • Riccardo Onofri
    5.0 out of 5 stars Will change your life
    Reviewed in Italy on April 15, 2019
    This book changed my perception forever. It gave me optimism and the knowledge of a new path to walk, of which I am already experiencing the benefits.
  • Dr Muneeb
    5.0 out of 5 stars Awesome
    Reviewed in India on October 5, 2018
    Never had this much amount of Knwledgeable of brain.. The author well explained various parts of brain n how to used in the way.. ❤ ❤ ❤ Thank you 😊
  • Cliente Amazon
    5.0 out of 5 stars muy bueno, pero me gustaria que estubiera traducido al castellano
    Reviewed in Spain on September 2, 2016
    elijo esta valoracion por ke por ahora cumple con mis espectativas. no lo esty leyendo yo, era para regalar a la que fue mi pareja, ya ke emos tenido dificultades ideologicas sobre el tema ke este libro trata, y keria regalarle un libro ke pudiese esplicar bien mi vision sobre el tema ke habla. y por lo ke ella me kuenta... es muy kompleto y profundo.
  • konsument
    5.0 out of 5 stars Lesen und anwenden.
    Reviewed in Germany on October 16, 2015
    Die authorin erklärt die neurochemischen mechanismen auf wissenschaftlicher basis und läd zum überdenken von gesellschaftlich anerkannten glaubenssätzen ein.

    Ein buch, das unkompliziert zur anwendung anleitet.