A healthy relationship is one where both couples engage in positive patterns of behavior on a daily basis.
When it comes to relationships, every couple has their fair share of ups and downs. However, the happiest of couples are the ones that show up for one another.
They commit to doing the work to ensure that they are always growing in the same direction. Ultimately, the quality of your relationship dictates the quality of your life.
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How To Have a Healthy Relationship For Life
Rather, it happens by choice. If you keep finding yourself in one toxic relationship after another, instead of saying “why me”, step back and take a look at your love history. When you choose partners, do you make decisions that serve your highest self?
Unhealthy relationships are ones where one or two people are engaged in behaviors that aren't based on respect for one another. In her book, Hold Me Tight: Seven Conversations for a Lifetime of Love, Sue Johnson says that “What makes couples unhappy is when they have an emotional disconnection and they can’t get a feeling of a secure base or safe haven with this person.”
In the beginning stages of a relationship, everything is butterflies and rainbows. People are swept away by the love that they feel for someone. As you get more comfortable in a relationship, it's easy for life's ups and downs to replace the intimacy and excitement that you feel for someone. When this happens, bad habits, like disregarding one's needs or lack of communication, can creep into a relationship.
Why do people fall into these patterns of behavior?
During the honeymoon phase, couples tend to do everything that they can in order to resist conflict from occurring. As a result, when conflict eventually strikes (which it always does because we are human), they become disillusioned by love. The assumption is, “This person must not be for them.” As someone once said, “A relationship with no arguments is a relationship with a lot of secrets.”
Conflict doesn't necessarily mean that there is something wrong with your relationship. What matters is that these conversations are used for the purpose of deepening the connection between you and your partner. Resolving differences early on can actually make a new relationship stronger over time.
If you and your partner create positive habits at the beginning of your relationship and stick with them, the honeymoon phase never has to end. Here are 7 daily habits of super happy couples.
1. They Communicate Their Needs
All of us have needs that deserve to be fulfilled. Nobody understands your needs better than you, so why not express them? Despite this reality, a lot of couples fail to communicate their needs.
It takes a lot of courage and vulnerability to be honest with your partner about what matters to you, especially if he or she isn't showing up in the way that you need them to. Moreover, there's a stigma that exists that expressing what you need will make you come across as needy. This is especially true for women. As a result, one or both couples may put their needs on the back burner, so as not to be perceived as an inconvenience.
Don't fall into the trap of assuming that your partner should be able to read your mind. Mind-reading is a cool concept, but it's unrealistic. This will only create feelings of anger towards your partner.
If you want to be in a healthy relationship you need to be willing to ask for the things that you need. In order to get to this place, you first need to know what your needs are. This is why it's so important to understand what your love language is, as well as the love language of your partner.
Happy couples check in with one another on a regular basis. They are constantly taking steps to ensure that they are meeting their partner's needs and that their needs are being met in return. When something isn't working, they make the effort to fix it, fast, so that they can continue showing up for one another.
2. They Make It A Priority To Connect With One Another
Finding a balance between work and home life can be challenging for a lot of people, especially if they have demanding jobs. Is your workload taking away from the time that you spend with your partner? If your relationship with your work is more important than the one you have with your partner, it's time to re-evaluate your priorities.
No matter how busy they are, couples in a healthy relationship always make it a priority to connect with one other. When they are together, they are fully present.
It all comes down to clear communication. Express to your partner how important they are to you, and when you have the opportunity, show them. More importantly, don't forget to keep dating one another! By consciously setting aside time for your relationship, it is a way of saying, “You matter.”
Plan a weekend getaway that you can both look forward to. This is a great way to fully disconnect from the busyness of life.
3. They Share Common Goals
If you aren't moving together in the same direction as your partner, what is the point of being together? Happy couples share common goals. This alignment is what allows them to achieve their dreams.
Common goals include raising a family, building a business, traveling the world, or buying a home together. Working towards something that you both desire will strengthen your relationship in ways you never thought were possible. Don't wait to have a conversation with your partner about where you want to be and what you want to do in the future. Put it on the table right away so that neither of you wastes each other's time.
Not everything has to be perfectly aligned for a relationship to be healthy. However, you and your partner need to agree on some big topics, like marriage and children. More importantly, make sure that you check-in with your partner on a regular basis because goals can change as life changes.
4. They Forgive Quickly
If you are looking for a perfect partner, you are setting yourself up for failure. Being flawed is a part of being human. Being in a healthy relationship means accepting our partner's shortcomings and loving him or her despite them.
There is a point in every relationship where buttons will be pushed. If you don't learn how to let things go and move forward in a healthy way, it will only create destruction in the relationship. The result? Anger, bitterness, resentment and an inability to be present with the person you love.
Studies have shown that couples who practice forgiveness are more likely to enjoy longer, more satisfying romantic relationships. By committing to loving someone, you are committing to opening your heart to them. When emotions run high, instead of blaming or projecting your wounds onto your partner, practice forgiveness.
Forgiveness creates a space where two people feel free to explore their fears. This vulnerability is what allows two people to fully trust one another and go deeper into their relationship.
5. They Focus On Being Positive
Couples that thrive are the ones that always make sure that they are in a high vibe state together. In times of stress, it can be easy to fall into a negative state of mind. If you allow this energy to affect your relationship, both of you end up losing.
Super happy couples acknowledge that bad days are inevitable, but they don't allow them to affect the love that they share for one another. When they feel overwhelmed with life, they openly communicate how they feel in a constructive and healthy way.
You can only connect with your partner as intimately as you are able to connect with yourself. This is why it's so important to master your emotional state. Your mind is a powerful tool. It can either be your best friend or your worst enemy.
If you are constantly focusing on what is going wrong in your own life, that energy is going to show up in your relationship as well. On the other hand, if you have a positive outlook on life, you will feel the same way about your relationship. This mindset is what will allow you and your partner to better weather life's storms together, with grace and ease. This is how to maintain a healthy relationship.
6. They Have Their Own Lives
It's easy to get swept away by love. However, you never want to lose yourself in it. If you enter into a relationship feeling incomplete, then you are naturally going to look to the person that you are with for a sense of completeness.
You may be thinking, “How do you stay connected with your partner if you are so focused on having your own life?” A healthy relationship is one where both couples pursue passi0ns and engage in activities that are separate from one another. This time apart is what deepens the appreciation that you have for your partner.
Happy couples don't rely on each other for their inner happiness because they have built a strong self-concept. A person should never complete you. Rather, he or she should compliment you and bring out the best in whom you already are.
The relationship with yourself is the most important relationship that you will ever have. Bask in the enjoyment of spending time alone and loving yourself unconditionally. Doing so will inspire your partner to do the same and will create the space for a healthy and balanced relationship to flourish.
7. They Accept Each Other
A healthy relationship is one where both people accept one another. You cannot try to change anyone. If you've ever tried before, you know that it's a losing battle.
People come into a relationship with their own beliefs, fears, dreams, and desires. Unconditional love is all about acknowledging the humanness of your partner. If you are having difficulty accepting your partner, I encourage you to go inward and look at yourself. We are mirror images of one another.
Relationships are opportunities to help us grow and develop. Oftentimes, we align with someone who challenges us. They may trigger sides of ourselves that we do not like or have yet to heal. Commit to doing the work to become a better version of yourself every single day.
Allow yourself to fully accept your partner for who he or she is. Doing so will make both of you feel mutually loved and respected for the amazing people that you've always been.
This is how to have a healthy relationship with your partner.
I personally engage in these habits with my fiancee and they have made a world of difference in my relationship. The bottom line is that loving someone is a choice that you make every single day. In a healthy relationship, you get what you put into it.
Love is not just something that you say. Rather, it's something that you do. In closing, what is a healthy relationship? It's a commitment between two people to grow as individuals and as a couple.
Love is a beautiful thing. Cherish it because it's worth the effort. As someone once said, “If you want a relationship that looks and feels like the most amazing thing on earth, you need to treat it like it is the most amazing thing on earth.”
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