Are you a people pleaser? Do you bend over backward to satisfy others, sacrificing your own needs and desires in the process? If so, you are at risk of being taken advantage of.
I'm not suggesting that you shouldn't be kind to people, but it's important that you develop healthy boundaries so that you are making your needs a priority as well.
According to Susan Newman, author of, The Book of No: 250 Ways to Say It—And Mean It and Stop People-Pleasing Forever, people-pleasers “want everyone around them to be happy and they will do whatever is asked of them to keep it that way.”
Are you ready to learn why being ‘too nice' can be dangerous, and how you can shift your people-pleasing patterns and set healthy boundaries for yourself?
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People pleasers tend to confuse pleasing people with being kind. Satisfying their own needs is deemed as ‘selfish.' When they do say no, it sends them into a spiral of anxiety and guilt, for fear that they have let others down.
As psychologist Harriet Braiker says, ‘to please is a disease.' The need to please can become an addiction that results in the neglect of your personal needs.
Oftentimes, the desire to please others comes from a deep-seeded need for social acceptance and connection from others.
Unfortunately, saying yes to everything and everybody is not a recipe for happiness or success in life. It's all about striking a balance.
The act of setting boundaries with regards to how much you're willing to do for others isn't selfish. Rather, it's healthy, and it's one of the best ways to reduce your people-pleasing habits.
Research proves that the more a person acts authentically, the more likely he or she is to be happy and experience subjective and psychological well-being.
Living from a place of authenticity is a form of self-respect. It's about listening to your gut and taking care of your needs first.
Are you a people pleaser? If so, here are 3 ways that you can break free from your people-pleasing patterns and build healthier boundaries.
1. Tune into your inner voice
When someone asks you to do something, pay attention to how your body reacts. What does your inner voice tell you? Are you drowning it out? Why?
When you become more self-aware of the reasons why you feel the need to say yes all of the time, you will feel more empowered to make a change and stand up for yourself.
Practice taking action based on what your inner voice tells you. Just like a muscle, your inner voice becomes stronger the more that you use it.
2. Take care of yourself
People-pleasers tend to devote very little time to taking care of themselves. By putting yourself first and nourishing your higher self, it will give you the emotional energy that you need in order to be there for others.
When we treat ourselves with love and respect, others will do the same.
Sherry Pagoto, a psychologist and professor of medicine at the University of Massachusetts Medical School, says that, “The first step in achieving better boundaries is believing that self-care is a necessity, not a luxury.”
When you start acknowledging that your needs matter, you start making decisions from this place, and your boundaries become more clearly defined.
3. Re-evaluate Your Friendships
If the people in your life are constantly taking from you and not acknowledging your feelings, these people aren't your friends.
Oftentimes, people pleasers don't say no, for fear that they will lose friends or that people will think less of them.
Start recognizing when you are being taken advantage of. Every healthy relationship has a give-and-take dynamic. If you are always giving and someone is always taking, you need to re-evaluate that friendship or let it go entirely.
Are you a people pleaser? If so, I challenge you to build healthy boundaries so that you can break free from your people-pleasing patterns.
The result? A happier, healthier, and more balanced life where YOU are your #1 priority.
In the words of Mandy Hale, “It's not selfish to love yourself, take care of yourself, and to make your happiness a priority. It's necessary.”
Are you ready to learn how to master every area of your life? CLICK HERE to join my Life Mastery Accelerator program!