How To Avoid Arguments In A Relationship

Do you know how to avoid arguments in your relationship?

Let's face it… arguing with your partner sucks. It only creates unnecessary stress and tension.

No relationship is perfect. Every couple disagrees with one another. However, arguing doesn't have to turn ugly if you do it in the right way.

According to a survey of 1,000 adults, couples who argue effectively are ten times more likely to have a happy relationship than those who sweep difficult issues under the rug.

Are you ready to learn how Tatiana and I been able to avoid ugly arguments and strengthen our relationship in the process?

Watch the video below:

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Is it normal to have arguments in a relationship?

The short answer is, yes! Every relationship experiences its fair share of challenges. You can't expect to agree with everything that your partner says or does. If you go into a relationship with this mindset, you are setting yourself up for failure. The big mistakes that a lot of couples make is that they try to avoid conflict at all costs. If something is bothering you in your relationship and you don't communicate how you feel, you are only creating bigger problems for you and your partner.

It's important to realize that nobody makes you feel a certain way. By taking responsibility for your emotions, you empower yourself and your partner to tackle uncomfortable conversations, head on. When you do so, you resolve arguments more quickly so that you and your partner can shift back into power couple mode.

In his New York Times bestselling book, Crucial Conversations: Tools for Talking When Stakes Are High, Second Edition, Joseph Grenny says that, “The success of a relationship is determined by the way in which sensitive issues are debated. True love takes work. Real intimacy is not just about love, it's also about truth. Crucial conversations are the vehicle for surfacing truth in a way that accelerates a feeling of intimacy, trust, and connection.”

Tatiana and I want to share with you the Four “R”s, which reflect the four stages of tension in a relationship. This acronym was developed by Barbara De Angelis, who is a well-known American relationship coach, lecturer, and author.

1. Resistance

Every argument starts because of a small misunderstanding that gets compounded. Eventually, one or both partner's explode and their relationship goes up in flames. It is completely normal to experience some resistance in your relationship. Resistance manifests itself anytime that you start to feel negative emotions towards your partner.

This could be something that he or she says or does. You may start to feel annoyed by your partner, which causes you to pull away. If you don't express these feelings of resistance when they arise, they will build up over time and transform into something bigger.

2. Resentment

If you don't resolve the small moments of resistance that you experience with your partner, you will have resentment. This is the point at which you start to feel angry, unloving and frustrated.

For some couples, this shows up in the form of passive aggressiveness, where one or both partners punish one another. Couples begin to disconnect and build up an emotional wall. By holding onto resentment, you risk destroying your relationship altogether.

3. Rejection

If you resist and resent your partner long enough, eventually you get to a point where you will separate from him or her both emotionally and physically. You may even start to envision leaving the relationship and close your heart off completely. Intimate experiences, like making love to your partner may no longer be of interest to you. A lot of couples in this situation find themselves living completely separate lives, even though they still physically live together.

4. Repression

This is the moment at which both partners check out with one another. Couples grow tired of resisting, resenting and rejecting one another. There is no passion, love or intimacy left. They have repressed their emotions so much so that they feel numb. This is when you know that a relationship is over unless effort is made to rekindle the romance.

How To Avoid Arguments

The best way to ensure that your relationship never gets to this point is to communicate how you feel the moment that you start to feel hurt, irritated or uncomfortable. Researchers have found that one's communication style is more important than commitment levels, personality traits, or stressful life events in predicting whether happily married couples will divorce.

Now that you know how to avoid arguments, how do you feel?

I hope this knowledge has empowered you to approach relationship arguments as opportunities for you and your partner to grow individually and together. When you are honest about how you feel in the moment, you prevent the four “R”s from happening in the first place. We all want to be heard, but who cares who is right or wrong? Arguing about things that are insignificant is a waste of time.

Trust me when I say that it's a lot easier to resolve conflict while it is still small than waiting for it to explode into something bigger. Always choose love. When you and your partner commit to being on the same team, there is no argument that you won't be able to overcome.