I believe that self-mastery is determined by our ability to focus on progress, not perfection.
We need to constantly strive for improvement, learning, and growth. It is the journey, not the destination that matters most.
That is why I wanted to invite Stuart Anderson, an online entrepreneur, social media influencer, and self-development coach, to write a guest post.
He is going to talk about his personal struggle with perfectionism, why the pursuit of perfection is inherently flawed, and how you can shift your all-or-nothing mindset.
Take it away Stuart!
The pursuit of perfection is one that has resulted in irrational time-wasting, failed relationships, depression, and anxiety in many individuals throughout history.
Dr. Phil expressed something quite profound concerning perfectionism on his daily talk show.
He noted that “the pursuit of perfection is in it of itself a flawed pursuit, because there is no perfection…nothing can ever get straight enough, perfect enough, clean enough, right enough”.
I find this quote to be extremely powerful, because it’s true.
The pursuit of perfection is undoubtedly inherently flawed because it does not exist; true freedom lies in our ability to accept this.
My Struggle With Perfectionism
I consider myself, like many others, to be a perfectionist at my very core. I have struggled with OCD and anxiety for many years.
A few examples include, but are not limited to, checking the stove 4 to 5 times to ensure that it has actually been turned off, and checking 5 times to make sure that the front and back doors have been locked before I go to sleep.
It’s fair to say that this kind of neurotic behavior naturally spilled over into other areas of my life.
I spent hours upon hours of my life organizing and re-organizing my room until it resembled ‘perfection’.
I worked for hours on carefully crafting that college project to be as perfect as possible, spending an abhorrent amount of time on those little details that don’t ever seem to add up to much.
There came a time just recently when I had to look myself in the mirror and ask myself whether or not it was worth it.
I had to ask myself, “Is my pursuit for perfection holding me back?”…and the honest answer was yes, it was.
I have been writing and publishing content for a few months now, and I have already felt that creeping feeling of perfectionism resurfacing.
As someone who is publishing content in the self-development niche, I tend to view content produced by some of my mentors, role models, and peers, and subsequently compare that to the level of content that I’m currently producing.
I’ve been following Stefan and Project Life Mastery for about 6 months now, and have been consistently impressed by the quality and quantity of his content.
I noticed early on that I had set a trap for myself in comparing my work to Stefan’s.
It was easy to feel as though the quality of my writing did not quite stack up to that of Stefan’s. What I needed to remind myself was that Stefan has been doing this for no less than four years.
He haas admitted numerous times that there was a time when he was not that great at creating content.
For the first couple of blog posts I wrote and published, I literally spent hours reading and re-reading them, to ensure that they were ‘perfect’.
I soon realized that I was chasing rainbows; ‘perfection’ is an illusion that does not exist in our reality.
“If I Can’t Do It Perfectly, Then I’m Not Going To Do It At All”
I think that this perfectionist mindset that I have fallen victim to in the past is one that holds many people back from achieving greatness and becoming the best version of themselves.
It is the age-old belief of “If I can’t do it perfectly, then I’m not going to do it at all,” (as ‘recovering perfectionist’, Charly Haversat recently shared at a Ted Talk) that is holding us back.
Haversat said a few things during her speech that I found to be extremely powerful.
I’ll draw upon a few examples from her speech that may allow you to more easily shift your paradigm regarding perfection.
She provided a wonderful example of how the expectation of perfection is relevant in children’s sports.
She recalled being at one of her kids’ soccer games when one of the parents turned to her and said something along the lines of, “These games are a waste of our time; it’s not like any of these kids are ever going to play professional sports”.
Haversat said that although these games may not be unique, what is unique is the fact “that we’ve come to expect a world cup soccer performance out of a game played by little kids”.
The scary thing is that we are sending our kids the message that if they can’t deliver that level of performance, then they shouldn’t bother playing at all.
I, along with many others, have found the formal education system to instill similar ideals in these children.
Kids are taught from a very early age that if they don’t answer things correctly, then they’re failures; this leaves them with little to no room to experiment or try new things.
This is something that can have a drastic effect on a child’s mindset and confidence. This kind of environment instills a fear of failure in our children.
It forces them to think within the lines of what’s possible, leaving many of them creatively stifled.
They suddenly don’t feel comfortable attempting things that may potentially leave them vulnerable to failure, and so the fear of failure reigns over the fear of not trying at all.
As an aside, it is interesting to note that some of the most successful people in the world never did well in school.
A lot of the wealthiest, most innovative, and most productive human beings on the planet are self-admitted failures of the formal education system.
Bill Gates, Robert Kiyosaki, Steve Jobs, and Richard Branson are four examples of individuals who did not prosper within the confines of the formal education system.
A Culture Of Perfectionism
It’s downright frightening how the Western world has harboured in a culture of perfectionism.
All you need to do is to go to the nearest grocery store and open up a magazine to see all of these different kinds of companies trying to instil the ideal of perfectionism into us all.
And so begins the elusive chase of everyone trying replicate what they see by applying it to themselves and their lives. The sad part of it is that, in reality, the actors and models photographed in most of these magazines don’t even look like themselves.
Cindy Crawford once famously said, “Even I don’t wake up looking like Cindy Crawford”. How can we as individuals ever live up to these unattainable standards we set for ourselves as a result of these cultural influences?
It was from the brilliant mind of French philosopher Voltaire that came one of the most profound thoughts of all time. Here’s what Voltaire laid out so simply, yet so effectively:
“Perfect is the enemy of the good.”
Just allow that to sink in for a second. “Perfect is the enemy of the good.”
I find this to be powerful because it’s so true. Speaking from personal experience, anything that I’ve been striving for perfection on, I often will never complete (at least within a reasonable time frame).
Even more alarming, when I am at my most perfectionistic, I often find that I can’t even get started on a project because it will feel so incredibly overwhelming.
It’s true that perfectionism almost always leads to procrastination.
Excellence Vs. Perfection
I want to share with you a shift in mindset that I have only discovered and applied to my life recently. I have to thank entrepreneur and YouTube personality Alexi Panos for this.
She was recently on a podcast discussing her struggles with her previous perfectionistic tendencies.
She said that she overcame her crippling need for perfection by shifting her mindset from that of perfection to that of excellence; this really resonated with me.
If we strive for perfection, we will never feel accomplished. We will simply never feel good about ourselves, because we will never be satisfied. Remember what Dr. Phil said:
“The pursuit of perfection is in it of itself a flawed pursuit, because there is no perfection.”
Excellence, however, is something that can be attained. That’s not to say that excellence comes easily; striving for excellence in anything takes dedication, persistence, and a willingness to do whatever it takes.
However, it is much easier to get yourself up every morning and focus on working towards something that is attainable.
Quite a lot is attainable once you make a commitment to excellence, as opposed to perfection.
Where Do We Go From Here?
If there’s just one thing that I urge you take away from the article, it is to strive for excellence, not perfection.
If you’re like I was, then you’ve been struggling with the weight of perfectionism bearing down on your shoulders for far too long.
I can’t even put into words how much the pursuit of perfection has stifled me in my life…but I’m taking action and reversing that downward spiral now.
I encourage you to stop beating yourself up over every little thing and accept that perfection simply isn’t possible. And you know what? That’s OK.
Perfection is boring. Perfection is not natural. Perfection is not part of the human experience. If you approach everything in your life from a paradigm of perfectionism, then you will almost assuredly never truly be happy.
Strive for excellence! Do the best that you can with the resources you have and then let it go. I don’t think that I can express it any more simply than that…well maybe I could, but it’s good enough!
I want to thank you so much for reading this article today. I truly hope that you have found it to be highly valuable. I think that this is an extremely important subject, and one that needs to be discussed a lot more often.
We can’t continue to be suppressed by the culture of perfection that society has imposed upon us.
It’s OK, you can let it go now; it’s time for you to shed the weight of that illusive ‘perfection’ and start enjoying your life to the fullest.
All the very best on your journey,
Stuart
Stuart Anderson is an online entrepreneur, social media influencer, and self-development coach. Stuart recently launched Lifeworks Academy, a passion project that focuses on a wide array of different topics in the self-development niche.
Stuart’s vision with Lifeworks Academy is to provide committed individuals with highly valuable content that will inspire them to take action in order to achieve the life of their dreams.
In case you are interested, here are links to more Lifeworks Academy content:
Website: http://www.lifeworksacademy.com
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/lifeworksacademy
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/lifeworksacademy
Twitter: https://twitter.com/lifeworksacad
YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCkpUGMY5nZdL1VNdcgHBEOA