I stopped having orgasms for 65 days. You might be thinking, “Why would you do such a thing? That's crazy!”
A few years ago, I would have had the same reaction. I didn't practice abstinence as a way of punishing myself.
Orgasms feel great. However, I had a bigger purpose in mind when I decided to embark on this 65-day orgasm-free journey.
Would you believe me if I told you that some of the best sex comes without orgasm? Research shows that overstimulation of the pleasure receptors can also desensitize the brain to pleasure or create a craving for more.
If you want to discover the life-changing benefits of abstaining from orgasms, keep reading!
Watch the video below:
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What is the purpose of having an orgasm?
I was originally inspired to abstain from orgasming after reading the book called, Cupid's Poison Arrow: From Habit to Harmony in Sexual Relationships by Marnia Robinson. This is one of the best relationship books I've ever read. In her book, Marnia shares what happens inside the brain when you orgasm.
An orgasm is the most pleasurable experience that a human being can have. However, it doesn't serve any utility unless you have the desire to produce a child. When you orgasm, you experience a momentary feeling of elation and a sense of relief, especially if you're stressed or anxious.
During an orgasm, a neurochemical storm is created inside the brain. Specifically, your brain releases a rush of dopamine. This is a highly addictive neurotransmitter that is responsible for feelings of pleasure and desire. An orgasm is similar to the feeling you would get if you consumed a drug, like cocaine or heroin. With every drug, will experience a high and a crash. The same thing happens when you have an orgasm.
When most men have an orgasm, immediately after they've ejaculated, they feel relaxed, drained, and tired. Women experience a similar thing, but sometimes the crash doesn't happen for a few days. If you've ever felt tired or lacking in motivation for no reason, it's highly likely that your dopamine levels are low.
A lot of people look for ways to boost up their dopamine.
They will do this by consuming pornography, eating junk food, binging on video games, gambling, or having sex. If you want to learn more about the effects of dopamine on the brain, I highly recommend you read the book, The Molecule of More: How a Single Chemical in Your Brain Drives Love, Sex, and Creativity―and Will Determine the Fate of the Human Race.
I used to have days where I didn't want to do anything. I felt lazy, tired, and depressed, but I didn't know why. Eventually, I concluded that the culprit was dopamine, which was the result of overstimulating my dopamine through sex or porn. Referring back to the book by Marnia Robinson, if you're in a relationship, it's easy to become desensitized to your partner.
Once the honeymoon phase is over, you become habituated to your partner. In her research, Marnia found that in the two weeks after a partner had orgasmed, he/she was more annoyed by their partner. A lot of couples start fighting, without even realizing that an orgasm is one factor that is contributing to their issues. This is why Marnia suggests abstaining from orgasm. If you're single, this means refraining from masturbating.
My partner and I practice The Karezza Method. This is a way of love-making without the outcome of having an orgasm. In fact, the main purpose is intimacy and connection. With a feather-like touch, the focus is on touching and caressing your partner, with slow stimulation. When you have sex in this way, it releases oxytocin. This is what allows you to feel more attracted to and connected with your partner.
A lot of sex in relationships is influenced by porn.
Unfortunately, this kind of sex can feel distant and disconnected. The end goal in the stimulation of genitals and the ‘success' of the love-making is based on whether or not someone ‘gets off'. When you overstimulate dopamine through orgasm or masturbation, you build up a tolerance for it, meaning that you end up needing more of it to experience any form of pleasure.
This is why I'm a big believer in doing a dopamine detox. When you abstain from orgasming or pornography, you reset your brain. In turn, you wake up and feel great for no reason! Since I've stopped having orgasms, my partner and I are more attracted to one another than ever before. My energy has improved, my brain is functioning better, and I just feel happier overall.
If you're a man, you may be wondering, “What do I do with all of the sexual tension that I feel from not orgasming?”
Some men encounter blue balls in their groin area. Tantra practices can really help to circulate sexual energy throughout your body, from your pelvic floor to your heart. Kegel exercises are also a great way to strengthen your pelvic floor muscles and create more control when you're making love to your partner. If you want to learn more about this read the book, The Multi-Orgasmic Man: Sexual Secrets Every Man Should Know by Douglas Arava and Mantak Chia. They've got some great content on how to use and control your sexual energy.
You may also be wondering, “Isn't it good to ejaculate once in a while?”
I've done some research and I found that this isn't necessarily true. Surprisingly, men can reabsorb semen. Also, men will usually have a wet dream if they are desiring a release. This will happen when they are sleeping.
I want to shift the conversation away from orgasming now and talk about pornography.
There are a lot of men (and women) who are struggling with porn addiction. Moreover, some men aren't even aware of the consequences of consuming pornography. When talking about this issue, I am going to focus on men. The reason being is that I am a man and have had past experiences struggling with porn. However, this does not mean that women don't struggle with pornography too.
Pornography trains your brain to be aroused through pixels on a screen. As a result, men tend to struggle to be attracted to a real woman because they are fixated on having sex, as seen in porn videos. Unfortunately, that's not real-life sex. Another negative consequence of watching porn is that men deal with erectile dysfunction. They are unable to be aroused by a woman in front of them. This can cause feelings of depression, isolation, and low self-esteem.
This is the result of overstimulation and training your brain to be attracted to something that isn't real.
There is a great book called Your Brain on Porn: Internet Pornography and the Emerging Science of Addiction by Gary Wilson. He dives deeper into the cognitive neuroscience behind Internet porn addiction and offers some great advice for those who want to stop using pornography.
The great news is that the brain is capable of changing! There is some amazing cutting-edge scientific research on brain neuroplasticity that is over-throwing outdated beliefs that the brain is immutable. The book The Brain That Changes Itself: Stories of Personal Triumph from the Frontiers of Brain Science by Dr. Norma Doidge highlights some of this research.
Pornography doesn't have to control your life for one day longer.
If you are someone who is struggling with porn addiction and are ready to seek help, there is a great community-based recovery platform for porn addiction that I recommend called, NoFap.
There is also a free online video-based porn addiction recovery platform called, Fortify: Quit Porn For Good that has helped thousands of people get their lives back from porn addiction. Lastly, I also recommend the porn and masturbation addiction app called Brainbuddy, which helps to rewire your brain and create healthy, new synaptic pathways that free you from porn addiction.
Every area of my life changed when I stopped having orgasms for 65 days.
There are very few things in life that I've received so many benefits from and I wish I could go back and tell my younger self about. Abstaining from orgasming is one of them. I'm not saying that you should never have another orgasm for the rest of your life. Just try abstaining for 30-60 days and see how you feel.
If you're in a relationship and you've been having sex one way for a long time, why not trying something new? You can always go back to orgasming and then compare how you feel orgasming versus abstaining. Knowledge is power. You can do ANYTHING for 30-60 days if you put your mind to it.
If you are ready, I encourage you to give yourself the gift of a dopamine detox. It can change your entire life.
Do you want to discover how you can harness your sexual energy and attract more success into your life? CLICK HERE to join my Life Mastery Accelerator program!