My Motivation Secret – Find Your WHY To Succeed And Use Pain As Fuel To Motivate You Towards Success


my-motivation-secret-find-your-why-to-succeed-and-use-pain-AS-fuel-to-motivate-you-towards-successNeed motivation?

Want to get yourself motivated, right now, to take massive action towards achieving your goals?

In this video blog, I reveal my motivation secret that has driven me to achieve so much at such a young age.  I'm about to openly share and confess moments of my life that have given me the most motivation.

Not only that, but I'll show YOU how you can tap into the fuel inside of you to spark the motivation to achieving your goals.

Watch My Motivation Secret Part 1:

(Click here to watch on YouTube)

Watch My Motivation Secret Part 2:

(Click here to watch on YouTube)


You Need A Strong Enough WHY!

You've likely heard this from all of the self-help guru's out there…

If you're struggling with motivation, it's simply because you don't have a strong enough WHY.

You see, you need a purpose behind everything that you do.  Without a purpose or any compelling reason to do something, you simply won't feel motivated to do it.

Want to make a six figure per year passive income?

Great… but WHY?

When you ask most people this, they likely don't have any compelling reason to drive them.  Or if they do have reasons, it's simply not a strong enough motivator for them.

travel motivationOne person might say, “Well, I'd like to make more money so that I can travel more and have more fun.”  

While that might be a good reason, how strong of a reason is that for you?  How badly do you want to travel more and have more fun in your life?

The answer to that depends on how much EMOTION you associate to that reason.

Another person might say, “I must make more money so that I can get out of debt and pay my bills this month.”

With this reason, the person will likely be more motivated because the reason has more EMOTION associated to it.  You can tell it's a MUST for the person, not an “I'd like to…”  This is a more powerful WHY and motivator.

The more REASONS you can have to achieve a goal, the better.

But the REAL POWER comes down to how POWERFUL, EMOTIONALLY-DRIVEN your reasons and purpose is.

What Drives Human Beings To Do What They Do…

pain pleasure principleThere's two twin forces that drive human beings to do what they do:  Pain and Pleasure.

Human beings will do almost anything to avoid pain and to gain pleasure.  This is directly from Tony Robbins – he calls it the Pain Pleasure Principle (PPP).

Out of the two, which do you think is more of a motivator for people?  Pain or Pleasure?


Most people are more driven by the PAIN of potentially losing something, rather than the PLEASURE of potentially gaining something.

When it comes to your WHY and PURPOSE for achieving your goals, the more pain-inducing reasons you can have, the better.  You want to use PAIN as fuel motivate you.

For example, here's some of the pain-inducing reasons that have motivated me throughout my life:

  • I got my heart broken by a girl when I was 16 years old.  I used the PAIN of that to drive me to change my life, as my reason was I NEVER AGAIN wanted to be in a position where I got my heart broken like that.  I wanted to AVOID the pain of never again feeling hopeless and having to suffer like that again.  I made the decision and set a goal to change myself socially.  It was this compelling reason WHY that drove me to face my fears, push my comfort zone and become a more confident, attractive person.
  • In my early twenties, I went through a painful break up with a girl that I was madly in love with.  One experience that occurred was feeling physically weak and powerless to stand up to another guy that was hitting on my girlfriend.  The pain of that experience gave me a strong enough reason to change myself physically.  I never again wanted to experience the pain of feeling powerless and intimidated physically.  As a result, I used that motivator to drive me to work out, become stronger, and learn mixed martial arts.
  • I was in massive credit card debt in my early twenties and was forced to live in my friends living room, as a way to save money and pay off my debt.  The pain and the embarrassment of this drove me to have to find a way to make money online.  When I travelled to Southeast Asia for three months, I made it my mission to be earning $300/month passive income from an online business by the time I came back to Canada.  The pain of having to go back to Canada and live in a living room was unacceptable for me.  There was no way I was going to go back to that standard of living, which is what drove me to wake up early and stay up late finding ways to make money online.
  • The pain of not being able to do or experience what I wanted was unacceptable for me.  I vividly remember wanting to do certain things in my life, but not having the finances to be able to do it, which made me sad.  I hated the feeling of not being able to do or experience what I want.  We only get to live this life once… how is that a way to live?
  • I used the pain of not being where I wanted to be in life.  The pain of comparing myself to others and seeing others living the life that I really wanted and felt I deserved.  I used the pain of not being able to help people or serve people at the highest level.  Not being able to grow or improve myself.  The pain of missing out on opportunities.  Not being able to provide for important people in my life.  Pain… pain… and more pain!

Every failure, every set-back in my life I used as a new reason to take more action.

I would FIND REASONS and use the PAIN OF THEM to drive me to work my ass off.  This is what has kept me continuously motivated throughout my life to make massive changes and achieve success.

Why Most People Never Find A Strong Enough WHY…

honest with yourselfThe reason why most people never find a strong enough WHY is because they aren't willing to be honest with themselves.

You see, it isn't comfortable experiencing pain.  Most of us would rather lie to ourselves and tell ourselves, “Everything is okay.  My life is fine.  It's not that bad yet.”

When really, it isn't.  This is just an EXCUSE and a way for people to “soften” things, as a way of avoiding to be honest and experience that pain.

If you can get to the TRUTH, you can change anything in your life.  The truth will set you free.

But in order for you to be 100% honest at yourself, look yourself in the mirror and admit that something isn't good enough in your life requires a massive amount of courage.  You have to be willing to endure that pain and most people are afraid to.

If you're overweight and want to get in better shape, it's not until you finally look yourself in the mirror and admit to yourself that you're FAT that you will get yourself motivated enough to make that change.  You have to look yourself in the mirror and finally be honest with yourself.

You have to stop LYING TO YOURSELF and making it ACCEPTABLE for being overweight.  You have to set a new standard and say, “I'm not willing to live this way anymore.”

But do most people that are overweight do that?  Of course not.  Instead, they say things to AVOID feeling that pain, such as “You know, I'm just big boned.  It's my genetics.  It's not that bad yet…”

These are all reasons of avoiding the feeling of pain.

But guess what?  Eventually you get to a point where you can't avoid it any longer, as it's just a matter of time before you pay the price of the consequences of being in debt, being overweight, or settling in your life.

There will be a moment in your life when the pain gets so intense that you finally have to confront it.  This is when people hit ROCK BOTTOM and experience an EMOTIONAL THRESHOLD.  This is what often forces people to change and use the painful reasons to drive them.

What Motivates Me Today…

While I openly admit that pain has driven me for most of my life, I now have a good balance of pain and pleasure that drives me.  In the past, I was desperate and had my back against the wall.  I had no choice but to find a way to change my life and most of the reasons were more painful than pleasurable.  But that's changed today…

Here's some of my compelling reasons that drive me to do what I do today:

  • The PAIN of having a job, being broke, being in debt, being overweight, getting sick or a life-threatening illness, being in a mediocre relationship, having to get a divorce, not being able to help my family, not being able to fulfill my mission and contribute to others, settling for an “okay” life.  The PAIN of these are what drive me today to continually get better and improve myself, make more money, become more successful, and achieve my goals.  Since I've experienced the PAIN of all of these things already in my life, I remind myself of it constantly and there's no way that I'm going back.
  • The PLEASURE of having freedom to do what I want, travel the world, buy whatever I want, being lean and muscular, being healthy and energetic, having a passionate loving relationship, starting a family, being able to help my family, living my mission each day and fulfilling my destiny of changing the world.  In the same way, the PLEASURE of these drive me to continuously get better and improve myself, make more money, become more successful, and achieve my goals.

As you can see, I have clear, compelling reasons WHY that I associate powerful emotion to that drive me each day.

This is my secret to motivation.  

I've learned to USE the power of pain and pleasure, instead of having it use me.

If I have a bad day or a day when I find myself regressing, I momentarily give myself a burst of pain and then use that to get myself back on track.  I remind myself that this isn't a standard that I'm willing to live by and I use it as motivation to improve.

If I fall off my diet for a day, then I use the pain of that to get back on track the next day and get myself motivated again.

If I experience a failure in my business, then I use the pain of that to push me harder to succeed even more.

If I have a girl that it doesn't work out with in my favour, then I use the pain of that to become better so that I can attract the right woman in my life.

In the same way, I'm constantly pulled towards the PLEASURE of having what I want.

What Is Your Reason Why?

If you can discover what your compelling reason WHY is at this stage of your life, it will awaken a sleeping giant within you.

It's time to get honest with yourself and discover what your REASON to achieve your goals is.

One way to do that is to ask yourself these questions:

  • What is my goal and more importantly, why do I want it?
  • What will be the consequences in my life if I don't achieve this goal?  What will it ultimately cost me? (pain-inducing question)
  • What will my life be like in 1 year, 5 years, or 10 years if I don't achieve this and stay where I'm at right now?  Am I willing to continue living this way?
  • What are the benefits and rewards in my life that I will experience by achieving this goal?  How will my life improve for the better? (pleasure-inducing question)
  • What will my life be like in 1 year, 5 years, or 10 years if I achieve this goal?  How will this affect all areas of my life for the better?

Be 100% honest with yourself.

I've broken down and cried on many occasions by honestly answering these questions – it's okay.

When I look back throughout my life, the most painful moments have been the best moments of my life.  I simply wouldn't be who I am today if I didn't endure the pain and challenges that I faced, as I was able to use them all as motivation and drive to become better.  I used my circumstances and life conditions as motivation.

If you go through this exercise honestly and have the courage to experience pain, then I promise you, you will unleash a surge of energy within you to take massive action and achieve your goals.

I hope you enjoyed this video blog.  Please leave any questions or comments below, I'll be sure to answer the best I can!

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Thank you so much for your support, and if you have yet to leave a rating or review, please leave me an honest one on iTunes, YouTube or below on the blog.  I appreciate it!

My Motivation Secret – Find Your WHY To Succeed And Use Pain As Fuel To Motivate You Towards Success
4.9 (98%) 10 votes
  • Will Campbell

    Hi Stefan,
    I’m a literary agent here in New York City and would like to discuss a project with you.
    John Campbell (JCampbellAgency@aol.com)

  • I needed this. Thanks for the inspiring videos and post. Sometimes you forget what initially motivated you and you need to ask yourself what’s still keeping you going.

  • Cindy Dabbous

    While watching this, I decided to finish my vision board that I’ve been meaning to get to. Thank you Stefan. I truly appreciate your willingness to show your vulnerability and your pains.. Made me stop and think quite a bit.

  • Hi Stefan, amazing videos. Your body language and tone is so different in this one. You are so raw and real. I haven’t seen any other coach who is so authentic. This blog has come at the right time when I was thinking the 3 Whys for each of my goals in the 100 Day Challenge. Thank you so much Stefan for adding so much value, and that too for free! I bet you are going to become the #1 coach in the world by transforming millions of lives within the next few years.

  • F Terrific

    I really needed to hear this! Thank you Stefan for this amazing video and blog post. You are such an inspiration!!!!

  • Jon Jacques

    Awesome post man!

  • Chris Silvestri

    Great way to start the week, keep up Stefan!

  • BlombergVictor

    Amazing stuff Stefan! You’re the man, I should put up a picture of you on the wall!! You are a big inspiration for me thanks man!!

  • Kenneth Dean Melendez

    This was awesome. I am not willing to settle for mediocre!

  • Vinnie Boultwood

    Much needed post, really hitting it home for me, been through some similar experiences in recent years. Talking is over from now on. thanks stefan

  • Micheal Parks

    Thanks Stefan – your dedication and the way you honestly reveal who you are is inspiring and very much appreciated. I’m following you and paying close attention. Thanks.

  • Kayvee


    I like the new fiery style of speaking. Very motivational.

    You are usually your calm Canadian self. but this video got me fired up.

    Keep at it bro.

  • Brian

    Can’t help but be fired up after that…..I’m getting my lazy ass off the couch and getting to work. Thx Stefan for the kick in the rear I needed.

  • Brian

    Stefan, one of the things I’ve had on my mind over the last day since I read your post and watched the videos was that I know what my WHY’s are but I tend to find ways to suppress them or cover them up. I really need to get these why’s in front of my face constantly to feel the pain…..any tips on how to do that effectively?

    • Hey Brian, you have to constantly remind yourself of it everyday. I think about my why’s all the time, especially when planning my day. But if it’s really a STRONG enough why that has such intense emotion, then you won’t need to consciously do it each day, as it’ll be something on your mind throughout the day non-stop motivating you.

  • David Perry

    You deserve a lot of appreciation for opening up the way you do and allowing your experiences to become motivational lessons for others. Thank you Stefan!

  • Powerful stuff man. I can really relate to what you’re talking about. What’s ironic is that on the surface, I have achieved a few things in my life, and often feel like I want to ease off since I’m already “good enough”. Then I remember the pain in the past that was caused by me slacking off, and I get out of bed and get cracking. I’m not where I want to be yet, but I will be. Thanks.

  • Lars Horpestad

    You’re nailing this energized approach Stefan, do it more! Awesome videos 🙂

  • My favorite posts are when you’re the most raw and uncensored – they sizzle with emotion, which is, indeed THE driving force in behavioral change IMO. My whys are very similar to yours, and I think about them often. I think I need to give them more weight and let myself experience that pain more. I’m aware of them, think of them daily – but I need to level my shit up. You always remind me of that, and I thank you, sir.

  • Wayne Summers

    Stefan , It is like I was meant to watch this video tonight.

    I have just been overlooked for a job that has been 12 months in the making. I was disappointed and kept wondering why ? and what I could have done differently.

    Watching this video now makes complete sense of this situation and I plan on doing exactly what you said and using this pain to benefit from the disappointment I felt,

    Looking back on this interview I did so well to get to the last 2 people and the reason I did not get the job was out of my control, however after watching this video I now have a burning desire to learn from the interview process and to move forward from this straight away.

    I am sure the pain felt will be my motivator to make sure the next time I am in a similar position I will be much better equipped to succeed,

    Awesome video Stefan


  • Jerry

    Is it ok if we use material from Tony Robbins in our blogs? Will his lawyers come after me? I notice much of what you say is drawn from his work directly, sometimes including the same words. Is it an unconscious thing because you are so influenced and saturated with his work or is it a conscious strategy?’

    I am also a big Tony Robbins fan and I am familiar with all his audio programs and so on. I would like to write a blog about it too, to inspire people. But two things stop me.
    1. For some reason, because I know these stuff, I think everyone knows these stuff and wont think it’s a big deal if I post about pain and pleasure, and conditioning and anchors and so on.
    2. I feel like I have nothing new of my own, so why should i bother, I think. I also feel guilty rehashing Tony Robbins’ stuff although it seems to me most motivational speakers do and even T.R. himself rehashed much of Richard Bandler (NLP) and Jim Rohn’s stuff.

    Do you have any suggestions for me?

  • Martin Lumapas

    Thank you so much for unleashing myself to achieve the things i want to do in my life.Pain and pleasure principle is the most import thing i learned on this video!God bless and hope u can touch more people lives.

  • Yeser

    Thank you…

  • 7pros

    I saw that most recent interview you had and then gentleman talked about your first blog post, couldn’t find it and was wondering what year did you make your first $100 with Kindle?

    • Stefan’s CS Team

      Great question! You should find the answer in Stefan’s detailed blog post, entitled “How I started making money online…and how long it will take you to make money online”



      Hope that helps!

  • Jo

    Hi Stefan. Looks like the comments are all over a year old, but I hope you’ll still see this one and have time to respond. I have many big dreams (I want to terraform the Sahara, move to Mars and terraform it, too!) as well as more currently doable goals that I’m working on. But the one that’s at the center of my attention now is my lack of social confidence. I’m a people person, I can tell. I love people, I love interacting with them and I love talking with them and hanging out. And yet I’m unbearably shy. It sucks, and it upsets me easily. I’m always disappointed when I fail to speak up and talk to someone I wanted to say something to, or if I’m too intimidated to engage in a healthy argument/disagreement. (it upsets me especially when it’s a pretty girl, I confess) And just recently I managed to get all upset simply because a pretty girl didn’t want to hang out. I mean, so what? It had nothing to do with romantic desire, just a desire for friendship. But I got all upset. It’s so stupid. When I tried to decide on a goal to examine via the questions in this article, the one that weighed on my heart is my goal to be socially confident and able to be completely unafraid of talking to people and speaking my mind, even if/when they don’t like it! I want manners too of course, but fear and shyness is the wrong reason to hold my tongue. I hope you can help, Stefan.

  • Aimz Khalid

    WOW! You’re a great speaker Stefan.. I just wish there were speaking classes here in Pakistan :/ I can actually feel all that pain and I wanna change for that. Thanks for the reminder!
    Have a great Day!

  • Sanna Hellström

    Painful to hear it … but so good! And I can see that I´m angry about a few things and I´d like to prove them wrong and show myself that I can do it!

    My self esteem took a beating recently and it REALLY hurts!

    I´ll use it instead of let it get me down and give up!

    Thanks Stefan!!!