The Art Of Active Listening: The Secret To Developing Strong Relationships

Active listening is the foundation of effective communication in both personal and professional relationships.

Research shows that we spend 70 to 80 percent of our waking hours in some form of communication. Of that time, we spend about 9 percent writing, 16 percent reading, 30 percent speaking, and 45 percent listening.

Unfortunately, a lot of people are poor listeners. When listening is missing, the message is lost altogether.

The great news is that active listening is a skill that can be cultivated with practice. Are you ready to learn 5 ways that you can improve your active listening skills?

Watch the video below where I talk about how to learn anything fast:

(Click here to watch on YouTube)

Are you ready to learn how you can master every area of your life? CLICK HERE to join my Life Mastery Accelerator program!

This page contains affiliate links. If you purchase a product through one of them, I will receive a commission (at no additional cost to you). I only ever endorse products that I have personally used and benefitted from personally. Thank you for your support!

Active listening is different from passive listening.

Imagine you’re talking to someone and the other person is not paying attention to you. How would that make you feel? Passive listening is associated with simply hearing someone. Therefore, the intention is not to respond. As Stephen Covey once said, “Most people do not listen with the intent to understand; they listen with the intent to reply.” 

Conversely, active listening goes beyond merely hearing the words that are coming out of someone's mouth. Instead, it's about listening in order to fully understand someone. The focus is on searching for the message behind the speaker's words. In this way, it's a two-way process whereby each party feels fully heard and seen. 

Here are three active listening examples:

• Paraphrasing – “I'm hearing that you aren't happy with the current situation?”
• Asking open-ended questions – “What changes can you make in order to level up your life?”
• Asking specific questions – “How many hours per week can you invest in your personal growth and development?”

Very few people think that they need to develop their listening skills.

In his book, The Lost Art Of Listening: How Learning To Listen Can Improve Relationships, Michael P. Nichols says that, because listening is thought of as something so basic, we take it for granted. 

Would you consider yourself to be a good listener? If you never learned how to develop the habit of active listening, you cannot expect to know how to effectively communicate with others. You need not just be a listener; you need to be an active listener. Interestingly, one study shows that your perception of your own active listening skills may be skewed.

Accenture surveyed 3,600 professionals from 30 countries, half men, half women, ranging from entry-level to management. Two-thirds of respondents said that listening has become more difficult as work turns more toward the digital, and one third said that distractions keep them from doing their best work. These findings prove that active listening is something that a lot of people struggle with.

It's fair to say that your ability to actively listen has a huge influence on the quality of your interactions. Let's explore 5 ways that you can improve your active listening skills so that you can become a pro communicator.

1. Focus Your Attention

2. Be Empathetic 

Each of us has our own experience of reality which is comprised of our values and beliefs. If you want to have healthy relationships, it is imperative that you make an effort to try and experience other peoples' realities. This is where empathy comes into play.

Empathy is at the heart of active listening. When you listen in an empathetic way you connect with someone on a deeper level. It's a way of saying, “I see you and I care about you.” This is the best way to create a relationship based on trust and respect. It comes down to putting yourself in the shoes of another, instead of only thinking about your perspective.

The best way to do this is by observing the emotions behind someone's words, and then responding accordingly. I encourage you to use open-ended questions to invite a deeper level of self-reflection. For example, “How did that make you feel?” 

When you genuinely care about people, they feel seen and heard.

3. Harness The Power Of Silence

Would you believe me if I told you that silence can be an extremely effective communication tool when used correctly? In a world that is switched on, 24/7, silence can be uncomfortable for a lot of people. Busy minds are the new norm, which doesn't leave much room to enjoy the quiet moments.

Ironically, more talking tends to make people feel safer, but important messages are lost in the process. As Abraham Lincoln says, “The more a man speaks, the less he is understood.” In fact, there is so much that can be learned from silence. 

If you are met with silence by someone, don't be tempted to fill the space quickly. Instead, allow time for self-reflection. Try pausing and allowing the speaker to sit with his/her thoughts. Giving someone that space can result in powerful new insights. More importantly, it can take your conversation to new heights.

4. Give Non-Verbal Feedback

Non-verbal feedback is a critical component of active listening. This could be in the form of gestures or facial expressions. If done authentically, I believe that this form of feedback can be more powerful than any verbal response. If you have a genuine interest in what someone is saying to you, back it up with positive non-verbal communication cues. Doing so encourages others to express themselves more.

Furthermore, as you listen to someone, be mindful of your body language. Watch how you tilt your head, how you position your arms and hands, and your facial expressions. Your body movements – the way you listen, react and move – send a message to the person that you are communicating with that you are truly listening to what is being said.

Unfortunately, a lot of people transmit negative non-verbal feedback without even knowing that they are doing it. This is a recipe for communication breakdowns. Conversely, when your non-verbal cues align with your verbal expressions, it creates a strong level of trust between you and the person that you are interacting with. 

5. Refrain From Making Judgments

As a listener, it's not your job to give opinions. The best listeners suspend their judgments and avoid arguing with people. Withholding judgments create a safe container where two people feel safe to express themselves. Until you've actually walked in someone else's shoes, you have no idea what they have gone through. Moreover, you add nothing of value to a conversation if all you do is attack someone's point of view.

Regardless of whether or not your beliefs or viewpoints are in alignment with someone else's is beside the point. You don't have to agree with everything someone says. However, as a listener, it's important that you acknowledge someone's feelings and give him/her the space to express themselves.

It comes down to having an open mind and being willing to fully hear someone's story without judgment. Always treat someone how you would want to be treated. As the old adage says, “If you don't have anything nice to say then don't say anything at all.”

Communication of any kind isn't about one-upping someone. Rather, it's about two people exchanging ideas in a respectful way. If more people followed this path, I'm a big believer that fewer communication issues would arise in personal and professional relationships.

Active listening skills are important to your success in life.

Keep in mind that listening is a learnable skill. I encourage you to start integrating the above active listening skills in your everyday life. Doing so will allow you to create stronger personal and professional relationships, built on trust and mutual understanding. As the Dalai Lama says, “When you talk, you are only repeating what you already knew. But if you listen, you may learn something new.”

Which active listening skill will you commit to mastering this week?

Are you ready to learn how you can master every area of your life? CLICK HERE to join my Life Mastery Accelerator program!