True love isn't found. Rather, it's built. A strong romantic relationship is a labor of love.
My fiancée, Tatiana and I have such a strong relationship because we invest in each other on a daily basis. The most successful couples stay together because they put effort and energy into the relationship.
John Gottman’s research shows that every time you follow through on your agreements, share affection and appreciation, and create positive future plans with your partner you are making a small investment in what he calls, your “emotional bank account.”
Are you ready to learn 7 daily habits that have allowed Tatiana and I to experience endless amounts of love and passion in our relationship?
Watch the video below:
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True love is a commitment between two people.
Falling in love with someone is easy. However, staying in love is another story altogether. In the beginning stages of a romantic relationship, it's natural to experience the high that comes with new love. Everything feels exciting. Naturally, nobody wants this high to end. As a result, the majority of intimate couples go to great lengths to avoid conflict of any kind.
As contradictory as this may sound, this false sense of hope for everlasting security, positivity, and happiness is actually what leads to the dissolution of a lot of romantic relationships. Don't get me wrong, it doesn't feel good to “rock the boat” when romance and passion are in your front brain.
However, if you and your partner don't do the work to develop healthy relationship skills while you are courting one another, you will encounter a lot of challenges down the road. Getting too comfortable in a relationship too fast isn't a good thing. This is when couples start taking each other for granted and stop putting effort into their relationship.
In his book, The Science of Happily Ever After: What Really Matters in the Quest for Enduring Love, Ty Tashiro says that happily ever after isn't so simple. One of the biggest reasons why married couples struggle over the long-term is what science refers to as “habituation.” In short, couples get bored with one another. Let's face it… predictability isn't exactly sexy.
The great news is that the honeymoon phase doesn't have to end. Relationships stand the test of time because two people make a choice to keep it, fight for it, and work at it every single day. If you've ever thought to yourself, “What is true love?”, I'm here to tell you. The following 7 daily habits have allowed Tatiana and I to build a strong romantic relationship.
1. Show Gratitude And Appreciation
When you fall in love, everything is butterflies and rainbows. You feel a deep-seated appreciation for the amazing person that has come into your life. Every day with them may feel like a dream come true. Unfortunately, as time goes by, the law of familiarity kicks in. If you are around someone for too long, it's easy to take him or her for granted. In a romantic relationship, this is a recipe for disaster.
It's your job to make sure that you appreciate your partner every single day. As part of my morning ritual, I practice gratitude. During my reflection process, I will think about Tatiana and ask myself, “What do I appreciate about her?” Engaging in this simple activity fills me up with gratitude. It allows me to completely change the way that I feel about our relationship, and, in turn, how I show up for her.
2. Love Unconditionally
True love is like oxygen to the spirit. If you want to have a healthy relationship, you must choose love on a daily basis. When Tatiana and I met, we made a commitment to love one another unconditionally. A lot of people put conditions on love. They say to their partner, “I will love you, but only if you do X.”
Even in the most difficult moments of a relationship, you need to choose love above all else. Every couple experiences challenges. There is no such thing as a perfect relationship. If this is what you are striving for, you are setting yourself up for failure. Perfection is actually the lowest human standard. In actuality, it's unattainable. All that matters is that you do the work to grow, both as individuals and as a couple.
If you and your partner have an argument about something, it's important that you learn how to separate the behavior from the person. Tatiana knows that my intent and my love is pure. Therefore, if I say or do something that she may not agree with, she doesn't blame or label me, and vice versa. We always approach one another with love, compassion, and understanding.
True love should have zero expectations.
Unfortunately, a lot of people stay at the surface of a relationship. They don't want to go deep, for fear that they will get hurt. Whenever you withhold love, you are only hurting yourself. The deeper that you go, the deeper that your love will be. I believe that it's better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all. There are lessons to learn from every relationship, both good and bad. Even if things don't work out with someone, you will still have grown from the experience.
The best way to experience true love is to give it. When you give someone else love, you get filled up in return. Everybody wins. It's important to keep in mind that everyone gives and receives love in different ways. This is why it's so important to identify what your partner's love language is. Make sure that you express love in a way that your partner needs it, not in the way that you need it. If you haven't already, I encourage you to read, The Five Love Languages: The Secret to Love that Lasts.
In his book, Gary Chapman suggests that there are five ways that people communicate love to one another. If you want to have a healthy relationship, it is critical that you understand what you need in order to feel loved, as well as what your partner needs.
3. Practice Being Present
It's important to practice being present with your partner as much as possible. This is what allows couples to build a deep connection with one another. Let's be honest, we all want to be seen and heard. Actively practicing the art of being present is what allows couples to build a deep connection with one another. Tatiana and I practice an eye gazing ritual every single day.
As I look into Tatiana's eyes, the only thing that I'm focused on is giving her my full attention. Without speaking, I appreciate her beauty and grace and send her love. Sometimes I'll recite a Ho'oponopono prayer in my mind. I'll say quietly to myself, “I love you. I'm sorry. Please forgive me. Thank you.” I'll repeat this prayer three times.
4. Cultivate Sexual Polarity
In romantic relationships, polarity shows up as either masculine or feminine energy. Each of us has feminine and masculine energy. Think of masculine and feminine energies as being equivalent to positive and negative charges on a magnet. This sexual polarity is the magnetic pull that creates passion and attraction in a relationship.
Throughout the day, you and your partner may shift energies, depending on what tasks you are engaged in. A healthy relationship is one where one partner is in their masculine, while the other is in their feminine. This rule is the same for both heterosexual and homosexual relationships. If the sexual polarity is missing, so too will the passion.
Tatiana's feminine energy is her nature, meaning that she likes to do things that allow her to embrace her femininity. Engaging in these activities allows her to honor her true essence. Even better, it complements my masculine energy. Our strong sexual polarity is why Tatiana and I have been able to experience true love, and maintain such intense passion and attraction in our relationship.
5. Engage in Physical Touch
Engaging in physical touch and being intimate with your partner is critical to developing a strong romantic relationship. Tatiana and I love to hold hands, cuddle, hug, and massage one another. More importantly, we do all of those things almost every single day.
A lot of people accept that it's the norm to only be intimate with your partner once or twice a month. Why do you think one in two relationships end in divorce? Love is a choice, and the same goes for intimacy. You can't blame your career or having children for your lack of intimacy. In my eyes, that's just an excuse. In a relationship, you and your partner have to determine what your standard is. Successful relationships do what other people won't do.
This is why Tatiana and I make it a priority to make love on a daily basis. Both of us study the spiritual practice of Tantra which has taken our lovemaking to a whole new level. When sex becomes a spiritual experience, it transforms into a union of two souls. In the words of Osho, “The body can become a vehicle to that which is beyond the body, and sex energy can become a spiritual force.”
6. Perform Acts of Service
These can be simple things, whether that's making the bed in the morning, handing your partner the towel after they get out of the shower, or cooking breakfast. Always be aware of what your partner needs. If your partner is stressed, think about what you can do to support him or her.
Selfishness destroys relationships. Being selfish is a horrible habit. People that allow their own selfish needs to control a relationship are at great risk of failure, especially if the other person is selfless. When you enter into a relationship, you have to make a conscious decision that you are going to be a giver. A relationship is a place that you go to give, not to get.
You and your partner are a unit. When you give to your partner, they will feel better, which, in turn, will satisfy you, in some shape or form. Always strive to go above and beyond to satisfy your partner's needs. It's your job to identify what your partner needs from you, whether that's love, significance, contribution or certainty. When you figure this out, you create a strong romantic relationship where both of you are fulfilled.
7. Create Magic Moments
The reason why a lot of relationships fail is that they stop growing together. People get too comfortable with one another and stop putting in the effort to impress them. Just because you are in a long-term relationship doesn't mean you should stop courting the love of your life. Strive to create magic memories every single day. Think of creative and new ways that you can surprise your partner. Variety is the spice of life! If you can commit to doing what you did at the beginning of your relationship, then there will never be an end.
In the beginning stages of your relationship, how did you act? Maybe you sent your partner a text message wishing them a great day, wrote them a love letter, sent them flowers, or planned a spontaneous adventure. You have to continue engaging in these magic moments. That is the best way to keep the passion and excitement alive in your relationship.
At the end of every day, take out a post-it note and have you and your partner write down a moment throughout the day that neither of you wants to forget. Put it in a jar, and build up that jar for several months. Eventually, go back to those notes, read through them together and reminisce on your memories as a couple.
Falling in love is easy. Staying in love takes work.
Actions speak louder than words. If you engage in these 7 daily habits and make them a priority, the connection that you have with your partner will grow in ways that you never thought were possible. These aren't just habits. Rather, they are real signs of true love in a relationship. True love is rare. When you find it, cherish it every single day.
What habits do you practice with your partner in order to create more true love, passion, and intimacy in your relationship?
Do you want to learn 21 empowering morning rituals that will take your life to the next level? CLICK HERE for instant access to my FREE cheatsheet!
Do you want to learn more about the brand that Tatiana has created for the modern day woman? CLICK HERE to check out her YouTube channel, Luxx Curves!
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