There are 7 things I wish I stopped sooner.
As I've grown older and wiser, I've taken time to reflect upon my life choices. Looking back on my past, I realize that the ways I was thinking and behaving were holding me back.
While it's not healthy to live in the past and dwell on what could have been, it's important to learn from your experiences. Doing so ensures that you don't make the same mistakes again.
The past can be an informative tool if you don’t get trapped in it. I hope the wisdom that I'm going to share with you today empowers you to take action to change your life.
If you're ready to stop doing things that don't serve your highest self, keep reading…
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What is holding you back in life?
In order to have what you want, you need to be willing to let go of what is no longer working. Knowing what you need to let go of requires self-awareness. Once you start to pay attention to how you move throughout your life, you will start to notice patterns. If these patterns are disempowering, so to will your life.
The truth will always set you free, even when it's painful to accept. If you want to become more, you have to be willing to embrace change. As Marshall Goldsmith said, “What got you here won’t get you there.” By sharing my journey and bringing attention to what I wish I had stopped sooner in my life, I hope it will help motivate you to make a change in your life.
Here are 7 things I wish I stopped sooner.
1. Being Scared Of Failure And Rejection
I used to be terrified of failing, to the point that I wouldn't try anything for fear that I would make a mistake. When I was a kid my dad was really negative and critical. My siblings and I couldn't do anything right. I didn't get enough praise or reinforcement from my dad. In turn, I created a story that I wasn't good enough.
This pain fueled my belief that if I failed, that meant I was a failure in every aspect of my life. In effect, I was paralyzed by fear. Eventually, I hit my emoti0nal threshold. I knew that if I avoided failure and pain, I would only live a life of regret so I decided to use my pain as motivation.
A lot of people choose to stay inside their comfort zones because it feels safe. From personal experience, I have learned that nothing grows inside your comfort zone. If you want to become more, you must step into the unknown and get comfortable being uncomfortable. That is where success lies.
Once I started studying success, I found that every successful person endures failure. Not only that, but they fail well, meaning that they perceive every challenge as an opportunity for growth.
This idea was best expressed by Oprah Winfrey who said, “I don't believe in failure. Failure is just information and an opportunity to change your course.” If you want to succeed, you must be willing to fail forward. Never allow your fears to shrink who you could be. You only have so many days to live. Don't waste them.
2. Video Games
When I was a teenager, I was extremely shy. I hated school and I didn't have many friends. As a result, I was extremely isolated. Playing video games helped me escape reality and cope with my social anxiety. However, it also prevented me from developing social skills and self-confidence.
By emotionally numbing myself, I didn't have to deal with my problems which only made my problems worse. Luckily, I got to a point where I was tired of being depressed and lonely. I ended up selling all of my video games and did a 360-degree turnaround. I focused all of my energy and attention on personal growth and development.
3. Negativity and Complaining
Today, I'm a happy and upbeat person. However, I wasn't always this way. I used to be very negative. My immediate reaction was to look for the bad in every situation. I realized that it was all a matter of interpretation. In any situation of life, what is wrong is always available, but so is what's right.
There's a lot of horrible things that are happening in the world right now. The news will constantly point out the negative because that's how they grab your attention. The more views they get, the more ad revenue they generate. We need to remember that there is also a lot of positive things that happen in the world every day.
When you train your mind to look for the good, you attract more good things into your life. When you focus on what you are grateful for in your life, you are better able to see the world in a positive light. In turn, you are less likely to focus on negativity and hate.
Today, when I'm faced with a difficult situation, I ask myself, “What is good about this situation and how can I learn from it?” No matter how awful a situation is, there is always a silver lining, if you're willing to look for it.
4. Trying To Control Life
I used to be a control freak. This was my protection mechanism. If I didn't feel like I had everything under control, I felt helpless. What a lot of people don't realize is that control is an illusion. You don't have any control over the outcome of a situation. Life will happen and people will act how they want to act.
The only thing that you have control over is how you respond to adversity. Learning to surrender and let go is the purest form of freedom. I have learned to trust in a higher power, which for me is God. Everything in my life is happening for a reason and a purpose that serves me.
I don't know why things happen, but I have learned to have faith and trust the process. Adversity is an inevitable part of life. You cannot escape from it. Instead of resisting the pain, surrender to what is so that you can make room for what will be.
5. Eating Junk Food
When I was young, every meal that I ate was junk food, meaning that it had zero nutritional value. By choosing to put toxic foods into my body, I knew that I would pay the price for this way of living down the road. I thought that health was the absence of disease, but it's not.
Just because you don't have a disease doesn't mean that you're healthy. A lot of diseases can be prevented, based on what you're putting into your body every single day. I don't want to be the richest man in the graveyard. I know that by adopting healthy habits and taking care of my body I will get more out of life and, in turn, be a happier person.
6. Pornography
I was first exposed to pornography back when there was dial-up Internet. I saw it as harmless until it started to affect every area of my life. Over time, I began experiencing depression and anxiety. Even worse, pornography was affecting my ability to connect and relate to women. At a certain stage of my life, I even experienced erectile dysfunction.
Pornography trains your brain to experience sexual arousal from pixels on a screen. I could totally relate to this. When I was being intimate with a woman, I used to struggle to connect with her on a sexual level because my mind was obsessed with the images that I was watching on porn videos.
For a long time, I was in denial that I had a problem. When I tried to stop porn altogether, I couldn't. This was a huge red flag that I was addicted to it. Once I did a dopamine detox, my entire life transformed. Not only did I stop pornography, but I had more confidence, I felt happier, and I became more attractive to women.
7. Caring What People Think Of Me
I used to be a people-pleaser, meaning I wanted to make everyone happy, at the expense of my happiness. This was because I was insecure. I wanted people to like me, even if that meant saying yes to things that went against my values. I wasn't comfortable within myself.
Once I started creating better boundaries and loving myself more, I no longer felt like I needed validation from others. When you feel whole and complete, you stop caring so much about what people think of you.
Today, when people criticize me I know that it has nothing to do with me. It speaks about what someone is going through in their world. They are suffering and projecting their pain onto me. The best thing that I can do is send them love and compassion and continue staying in my lane, trigger-free and happy.
These are the 7 things I wish I stopped sooner.
If you find yourself repeating unhealthy behavior patterns that are keeping you stuck, never forget that you have the power to change the narrative. One decision can change the trajectory of your entire life. What are you ready to let go of so that you can make room for something better?
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