Relationship advice for couples isn't a one-size-fits-all approach. However, there are common principles that will help anyone create an amazing relationship.
A great relationship that stands the test of time takes effort and work. It requires that two people meet each other halfway and commit to growing as individuals and as a couple. A lot of people get stuck with the belief that, if a relationship takes work, then that must mean that two people aren't meant to be together.
Yes, some people are naturally more compatible than others. However, at the end of the day, I have yet to meet an amazing couple that didn't tell me that being together doesn't take work.
The fairytale notion that “love conquers all” is a nice way of thinking. However, at the end of the day, love is a choice. It is an unconditional commitment that you are willing to show up for an imperfect person. In the words of Jodi Picoult, “You don't love someone because they're perfect, you love them in spite of the fact that they're not.”
Are you ready to learn 7 principles for an amazing relationship?
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Relationship advice for couples is a hot topic.
Everyone wants a perfect relationship, but they tend to forget about the person that is staring back at them in the mirror. I believe that the foundation of any amazing relationship starts with self-love. In order to be in a healthy relationship with someone, you first need to create a healthy relationship with yourself.
It requires that you go through a process of inner reflection and figure out who you are and what you want. If you can't show up for yourself, then how do you expect to give love to someone else? Oftentimes, people don't do the work to heal the emotional wounds or the limiting beliefs that they have carried from the past.
As a result, they bring all of their baggage into a relationship and project those negative emotions onto someone else. This is a recipe for disaster. Dr. Judith Sills, a noted psychologist, says that “The negativity we carry with us in the form of excess emotional baggage is both a burden and a blind spot. When it comes to our own baggage, we are nearsighted. Maybe even blind.”
Do you really know yourself? Be honest. If you feel like you need to go deeper in order to find the answer to that question, then do it. Committing to this will contribute to the success of your current or future relationship.
Relationships are 80% mindset. Let me explain.
Eighty percent of the issues that we have with our partners is our own internal baggage, while 20 percent are our relationship issues. When it comes to the 80/20 rule, in order to work on that 20%, you first have to acknowledge and work through your own stuff. Once you've done that, then you can show up for someone else and create an amazing relationship.
As Tony Robbins once said, “The quality of our life is the quality of our relationships.”
We all express and show love in different ways. Where people encounter problems is that they don't understand how to speak the love language of their partner. I encourage every couple to read Gary Chapman's book, The Five Love Languages: The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love that Lasts. In his book, he talks about 5 ways that people communicate love to one another, which include words of affirmation, quality time, receiving gifts, acts of service and physical touch. Which is your love language?
It's important for you to figure out what it takes for YOU to be loved, as well as what it takes for your partner to be loved.
Oftentimes people encounter problems in their relationship when their “love tank” isn't being filled, meaning that they don't feel heard or seen by their partner. A relationship is where you go to give, not to get. Both partners need to meet each other halfway so that their needs are met.
People who hold high growth beliefs report that an ideal relationship develops over time, that challenges to a relationship can make it even stronger, and that successful relationships are mostly the result of hard work and learning to resolve incompatibilities.
How you show up in your relationship is everything.
Let's explore 7 principles for an amazing relationship. If you are currently in a relationship, these principles will set a strong foundation for moving forward. Similarly, if you are experiencing some challenges in your relationship, you can practice these principles with your partner in order to make things better.
1. Check In On Your Relationship
When it comes to expressing feelings, it can be hard for some people to be vulnerable and share what is on their mind, for fear of rejection. However, I am a big believer that communication is the foundation of a happy and healthy relationship. If you don't feel comfortable talking to your partner about your needs, wants and desires, then you need to re-think your relationship.
My girlfriend and I have created a relationship journal, where we do monthly check-ins with one another to talk about what we love about one another, whether or not our love languages are being met, and how we can better show up in our relationship.
People are constantly growing and evolving, which means that relationships are as well. This is why it's important that you take the time to reflect on what you love about your relationship and express that to your partner.
2. Don't Take Your Partner For Granted
In the beginning stages of a relationship, there is a honeymoon phase. Every small thing that you do with someone makes you feel excited and happy. However, as people become more comfortable with someone, sometimes they lose the spark. They don't feel like they need to try as hard to win over the other person. As a result, partners can take each other for granted.
Despite how long you have been with someone, don't forget to pay your partner a compliment, show them how much you appreciate them, go on fun dates, or give them a nice gift. Do whatever it takes to keep the passion going strong.
You had it once. There is no reason why you can't maintain it. As someone once said, “Don't stop doing what you did to get them once you had them.”
3. Build A Life Outside Of Your Relationship
In her book, For Better: How the Surprising Science of Happy Couples Can Help Your Marriage Succeed, author Tara Parker-Pope says that “The happiest couples, she says, are those who have interests and support beyond the twosome.”
When you are in love, it's easy to want to be around someone all the time, but it's not necessarily healthy. Various surveys show that happy couples maintain friendships and hobbies outside the relationship. How many times have you heard about friends that complain that they never see their friends anymore now that they are in relationships? It's a problem.
Don't rely on your partner for your happiness and fulfillment. Happiness is an inside job, so make time for you and explore things that make you come alive inside. By doing so, you will be empowered to come back to your relationship feeling full and complete.
4. Let Go Of the Small Stuff
Why sweat the small stuff? According to Psychology Today, “Unfortunately, as most relationships mature, couples can find themselves bickering over small things.”
Sure, there comes a point in every relationship when we get annoyed with something that our partner does, whether that's forgetting to pick up the laundry on the floor, or speaking loudly when we are trying to focus on our work. It can be easy to obsess ab0ut the small things that annoy you, but it comes down to loving your partner unconditionally.
Nobody is perfect. We cannot change our partner, so why don't we just accept them for who they are and realize that their little quirks make them unique? Oftentimes, when we are annoyed about things that our partner does, it is merely a projection of how we are feeling.
I'm not saying that you shouldn't talk about things that are bothering you. However, there comes a point in time when you need to let go of the bickering and just focus on being happy and having an appreciation for one another.
5. Take Responsibility For Your Behavior
Taking responsibility for your behavior is an important part of an amazing relationship. It reminds your partner that you are willing to be open and honest, which in turn, inspires them to do the same.
When two people are in conflict with one another, it's easy to play the blame game. It creates feelings of defensiveness and stubbornness. Every argument can become a “he said, she said” scenario. However, it's important to realize that you are the only person that is responsible for how you react.
We all make mistakes. Admitting to your faults and forgiving your partner for theirs builds trust and open communication. Once people are able to take ownership of their behavior and stop the circle of blame, it has the power to transform every area of their relationship.
6. Create A Vision For Your Relationship
We enter into relationships with our own vision of what we want a relationship to look like. If our partner isn't aligned with our vision, that's when things can fall apart. If you aren't going in the same direction as someone, then you are wasting your time. It sounds harsh, but it's the truth.
Couples that don't have a shared vision for their relationship end up struggling because they don't feel aligned. Take the time to honor and listen to your partner's needs and values. Your relationship vision should bring a sense of meaning to your relationship. When you both know what it is that you want to create, you can start taking action to make those dreams a reality.
Antoine de Saint-Exupery said it best – “Love does not consist in gazing at each other, but in looking outward together in the same direction.”
7. Commit To Loving Your Partner Unconditionally
Unconditional love is completely selfless. Loving your partner unconditionally means that you accept them for who they are, despite their flaws and their scars. It means respecting and honoring their needs and helping them to become the best version of themselves.
Oftentimes, selfishness is what kills relationships. When you only focus on yourself, your partner doesn't feel seen or heard. Love is a choice. Falling in love is the easy part, but staying in love and making things work when life gets hard is a whole other ball game.
Every day you need to wake up and make a commitment to your partner that you want to make an effort. Relationships aren't always rainbows and butterflies, but if you love someone, it's worth it.
This is my relationship advice for couples. Everyone is different, but in my experience, these principles work.
Love is a beautiful thing. If you are still looking for it, don't stop. In the meantime, continue showing yourself love and kindness and do the work to heal any emotional wounds or barriers that you have. Doing so will allow you to attract a special someone into your life and build an amazing relationship with him/her.
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