RELATIONSHIP ALIGNMENT: Are You Truly Aligned With Your Lover?

Relationship alignment should be a goal of any couple. Are you truly aligned with your partner?

A lot of people get swept away by passion. They use the feeling of love in order to determine the quality of their relationship with someone. This is where a lot of people run into trouble. I'm not a relationship expert, but I believe that love is a choice, more than it is a feeling.

Love is a commitment that two people make, to wake up every day and be the best that they can be, both for themselves and their partners. When it comes to being in a relationship, there is no room for selfishness.

In the words of Derek Rydall, “The work of emergence is all about becoming congruent. All of our problems come from being out of alignment.” Are you ready to learn how you can achieve relationship alignment with your partner?

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Do you know what relationship alignment looks like?

When a relationship is in its beginning stages, it's a beautiful feeling. It's easy to get swept away by the love that you feel for someone and forget about where you connect and fail to connect with your partner. However, it soon becomes apparent how important alignment is once the honeymoon phase of your relationship subsides.

Falling in love is easy. However, staying in love takes work. Communicating with your lover and taking their needs and wants into consideration requires compromise.

Alignment in a relationship means that you are living and loving in the same direction as someone else. If you do not take the time and effort to align your vision, core values, and passions with your partner, it will slowly start to take a toll on your relationship.

Relationships should never feel difficult. If you feel like you need to be someone else in order to satisfy your partner's needs, or if you fight so much so that you are unhappy and frustrated all the time, it's time to rethink your relationship with someone.

Life is too short for that.

Love is meant to uplift and inspire you to become a better version of yourself. When you are aligned with your partner, there is an understanding between the two of you that you are going in the same direction. If this isn't happening, both people are wasting their time.

Achieving relationship alignment starts with knowing and understanding what your core relationship values are. This is how we achieve clarity about the type of person that we want to spend our lives with.

In her book, Atlas Shrugged, Ayn Rand says that “Love is our response to our highest values — and can be nothing else. Our love of ourselves is reflected in everything we do and everyone we choose to have in our life.  And the most intimate of our relationships tell us the most about how we think of ourselves and what we value.”

Sometimes people get too comfortable in a relationship, or worse, they get lost in it. They end up sacrificing their core values, which leads to resentment and anger.

Let's explore 3 things that you can do in order to become more aligned with your partner.

1. Know What Their Love Language Is

A love language is a language that we speak when we are expressing love. How do you show up and give love to your partner? If you don't already know what you or your partner's love language is, I encourage you to read Dr. Gary Chapman's book, The Five Love Languages: The Secret to Love that Lasts. In his book, he says that problems can occur when your love language doesn't match up with your partner's.

You don't have to have the same love language as your partner in order to be aligned. However, it is important that you recognize and honor what their language is. Communication is the key to success in any relationship. At the end of the day, we all just want to be heard.

2. Show Compassion For Moments When They Seem Out Of Alignment

We all have bad days when we feel out of alignment. When this happens, sometimes we can project our insecurities and frustrations onto our partners. When it comes to relationships, I believe that understanding and compassion should always come before advice.

Nobody wants to be preached to when they are feeling low, especially when it's their loved one. According to a new study published in the journal Emotion, compassion is the most important quality to have in a happy marriage.

My girlfriend and I love each other unconditionally. Sometimes our behavior shows otherwise, especially when we are stressed or overwhelmed with work. However, we never take it personally. You always need to be aware of your own ego when going through things with your partner.

It comes down to learning how to hold space for your partner when they are unable to do it for themselves. This is the purest form of unconditional love that will allow you and your partner to grow together. Nobody is perfect.

When you accept this and have compassion for someone else's feelings, it allows for more open communication and vulnerability to take place in your relationship.

3. Have an Agreement On Your Vision, Values and Core Beliefs 

Our values shape our lives; they dictate how we speak, the decisions that we make, and inevitably, the people that we surround ourselves with. When you go against your values, every fiber of your being knows that you have. You only end up feeling unhappy and unfulfilled. This is no way to live.

If your vision in life is to be an Internet entrepreneur and travel the world, but your partner's vision is to become a lawyer, buy a house, and stay in one place, eventually, you will be pursuing two separate visions. This example reflects a clear misalignment of values between two people.

When it comes to your most important values, you need to be growing in the same direction as your partner. In the words of Abraham Hicks, “When you find alignment, the conditions won't matter.”

Relationship alignment is the foundation for long-term happiness and fulfillment. 

Do the groundwork to make sure that you know what is important to you in a partner, and then commit to having an honest conversation with someone at the beginning of your relationship. Tell your lover what you need and ensure that you know what they need as well.

Understanding how your values align or don't align with someone will allow you to build a healthy and long-lasting relationship with them, or it will encourage you to move on and find someone who shares the same values as you do.

Do you want to learn how you can create healthy and long-lasting relationships? CLICK HERE to join my Life Mastery Accelerator program!

Do you want to learn 3 communication barriers that can be toxic for a relationship? CLICK HERE to read the article that I wrote on Medium!