How To Overcome Jealousy In A Relationship

Learning how to overcome jealousy in a relationship is critical to creating a long-lasting relationship based on trust, respect, and unconditional love.

Let's face it, jealousy is one of the most unattractive qualities in someone. More often than not, it takes on a life of its own. It can make both partners feel like they are walking on eggshells most of the time. The result? Feelings of anger, resentment, and insecurity. By definition, jealousy is the killer of relationships.

If you struggle with jealousy in your relationship, it is important to understand the root cause of jealousy so that you and your partner can choose a more productive response the next time a trigger occurs.

Are you ready to learn how to overcome jealousy?

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Jealousy in relationships can be toxic.

The problem with jealousy is that many people don't know where it comes from. Oftentimes, it is masking other deep-seeded insecurities that one partner is too ashamed to admit to the other. When people don't communicate how they are feeling to one another, the situation only becomes worse.

In the four years that my girlfriend Tatiana and I have been together, I can't recall very many moments when either of us experienced jealousy in our relationship. There are certain principles that we want to share with you that have led us to be so confident in our relationship and in ourselves.

Jealousy is a fear-based emotion that shows up in the form of insecurity. Psychologists call this an “inferiority complex,” which refers to an underlying impoverished ego or low self-esteem. Jealousy shines a spotlight on our weaknesses.

When we get triggered by external events in our lives, it's our job to explore what is going on inside of ourselves. When you experience jealousy, take a step back and ask yourself, “What about this situation triggered me to react in this way?” Where is this fear coming from?” Identify and define your fear.

You cannot control the external world. The only thing that you can control is how you respond to it.

Maybe you were cheated on in the past and you are still carrying emotional wounds from a previous relationship. As a result, you may feel jealous when your partner even talks to someone else because it triggers pain inside of you.

You need to realize that the past does not equal the future. If you don't do the work to move on from past jealousy, you will sabotage your current relationship. Once you know what is going on inside of you, then you can take the steps to improve yourself and your relationship.

Tatiana gets looked at and approached by men all the time, especially now that she has become an online influencer. I could easily get jealous, possessive, and angry when guys write comments about her on her YouTube channel or private message her on Instagram, but it doesn't even cross my mind.

Here are 3 reasons why Tatiana and I don't experience jealousy in our relationship.

1. We Have High Self-Confidence

I have confidence in who I am as a human being, a man, and a partner. I know that I'm worth it and trust that I can provide Tatiana with value in a way that nobody else can. It sounds arrogant, but it's not. I believe in the connection, passion, and love that we have for one another. I believe that there is no better match on this planet for her than me and she feels the same way about me. We have a soul connection that is eternal.

Maybe there is someone better for both of us, but my belief empowers and serves us in our relationship. It gives us that certainty and security in ourselves and as a couple. If you want to identify what your value is, create a list of the qualities that make you a great catch.

Why are you special? What can you offer your partner that nobody else can? 

I may not receive as many inappropriate messages as Tatiana does, but she understands my masculine energy. Even though we are in a committed relationship, that doesn't mean that Tatiana may not be attracted to another man, and vice versa. We could get jealous by this, but we have so much confidence in our relationship that it doesn't bother us.

2. We Have Strong Communication Skills

Tatiana and I have built up so much trust that in our relationship because we make communication a top priority. When you have that type of connection with someone anything can be discussed, without fear of being turned down or mocked.

Tony Robbins teaches people about the six human needs  – certainty, variety, connection, love, growth, and contribution. Certainty is a big one. If two people don't have a high level of certainty in their relationship, then it is more likely that jealousy will occur.

However, when two people believe that they are a going to spend the rest of their lives together, there is no room for fear, doubt, or worry. You have to build this certainty and confidence in one another. It doesn't magically happen.

Tatiana and I allow each other to communicate our needs so that we understand what each of us needs. If I have a moment of jealousy, I express it because I know that she won't judge me. We've created that safe container and it's served our relationship well.

3. We Live From A Place Of Abundance

Tatiana is her own person. She has the right to be happy in life. That is what I want for her. If she would rather be happier with someone else than me, then I would want that for her. Yes, I want to be with her for the rest of my life and I would be sad if we parted. However, I'm never going to inhibit her desires because of my selfish needs. When you want the best for one another, you give each other the freedom to be themselves.

A friend of mine once shared with me a very powerful relationship analogy. A woman or a man is like a butterfly that has landed in your hand. It's beautiful. You want to cherish and appreciate it. However, a lot of people end up suffocating the one person that they love. They become controlling, domineering, and overly protective. They give them rules about what they can and cannot do.

If you do this, that butterfly will feel trapped and resentful. It may fly away. This is the worst thing that you can do. You have to be okay and comfortable with that butterfly just being in your life. That man or woman in your life could leave you. You have to be comfortable with that idea.

It's only when someone has the freedom to leave that they decide to stay.

If you don't give it to them, that is the beginning of the end. In the words of Thich Nhat Hanh, “If our love is only a will to possess, it is not love.”

Tatiana doesn't put any rules on me, nor do I on her. We both have enough maturity to make educated and smart decisions, based on our values and the trust that we have in our relationship.

When you live from a place of abundance, there is no room for jealousy because you and your partner have developed a high level of trust. With this mindset, there is no room for fear. This is when you know that you are truly aligned with your partner.

These are our solutions for how to overcome jealousy in a relationship.

Make sure to check out Tatiana's YouTube channel, which provides a lot of great tips and strategies for the modern day woman.

If jealousy is destroying your relationship, I encourage you to adopt some of the principles that Tatiana and I have shared with you. Love is a beautiful thing. Always strive to grow and improve yourself and the connection that you have with your partner. Doing so will allow both of you to become better people and better partners.

In the words of Toni Payne, “Be with someone who wants you to grow.”

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Are you ready to learn 3 reasons why you should date your polar opposite? CLICK HERE to read the article that I wrote on Medium!